forgot a pic of emmet!

this was taken last easter. he was a little mad :)
he is 1/2 jewish, so maybe he didn't see the reason for the ears?

this is the month, i think

so we are going to do the insem this month. at least, that is the plan. since our new plan is for me to go up to where the KD lives, I am hoping that the ovulation happens on a weekend. i know that i could go up with late notice to my boss, but if i have court or a meeting, it just makes it that much more complicated. also, i am planning a trip up to see my MIL next weekend and wouldnt it be groovy if it all worked out? i doubt it will though, i dont even have my period yet!
i am going to start drinking the fertilitea this weekend. i hope i like it, i guess it doesnt matter *sigh* this is what we have to do!
i am really optimistic that this month is the month. For a few reasons.
1) I am not going to stress about anything. it will all be good and whatever happens happens.
2) it is free! since it is free, #1 will be a lot easier for me :)
3) i have always said that i didnt want a december baby. i was born on december 23 and my birthday has always been forgotten. my mom is born on december 19 and my gpa is december 1. it is a very busy month with both Hanukkah and Christmas. if i get pregnant now, the baby will be a december baby :) it is the wacky world of fate that i live in, and it just makes me think it will work.

i am also, for the first time, nervous about being pregnant. maybe sub-consciously i never thought it would work before?
maybe i am thinking too much.
bye bye

fertility tea galore!

so we are officially on the train! i ordreed some fertility tea this morning. A and I, after a lot of thought and discussion and prodding from friends, are going to try to do it at home. it is just so expensive when you have a known donor. the blood tests along are $800 per month. it is just so excessive when there is an option that is almost free. A is very hesitant b/c it is her brother, D. I am not, who cares, its not like he is going to be in the room when it gets squirted. i am excited. i have to ask D of course, but i think he will be more than happy to do it. he hates Los angeles and if he can avoid flying here once a month, he will be a much happier camper.

now i need to start getting myself ready. i stopped taking pre-natal vitamins so that should be the first thing. i need to make an appointment with the acupunturist. and i need to buy a new basal thermometr. I think i threw mine away in a fit of pissed off-ness. it is going to be hard to get back into the whole temperature taking and charting. now it will be even more important because i will not be getting ultrasounds.

i have a good feeling about this! i think i will call the acupunturist today. that part scares me! i hate needles, but for the bay-bee!!!!!!

bye bye

i heart rachel maddow

i am at work, watching rachel maddow on my i-touch, not working. i just love her. she is so smart and articulate and so good at explaining things and making me interested in them. i heart her. i wonder if she hearts me....

so we are still trying to get prepared to start trying again. i spoke with D and he is still on board (A's brother is our squirt donor). he is getting married this year, so i think we need to hurry up before anything changes. he wants kids of his own and i just get nervous. he is a really great guy, and he loves his sister so much i know he wouldnt do anything to hurt her. but he is also very emotional so who knows. the unknowns are killing me. always do in the ttc game.

well, i ahve to get back to my gf Rachel. :)

bye bye

tips would be greatly appreciated

so i am starting to think of what i should be doing to get myself ready for TTC'ing. I am going to the gym, although not as regularly as I would like. I haven't really done much else. I seem to have forgotten everything that i learned while i was obsessing over this aspect of my life. one thing i am really going to try to do is not obsess. i will not think about how much each time costs and i will not think about what sign the baby would be if this time would work. i am going to meditate prior to the insemination, or at least that is my goal (although i have never meditated before, not really my kind of activity but i am willing to try).

does anyone have any tips, what type of food should i be eating. oh wait, i think i bought a fertility food book, but tips from those who have been through it would be wonderful.

when i was not sleeping due to anxiety (over work and TTC'ing and money) by therapist put me on a sleeping pill. i obviously have to get off of that. hopefully working out at night will be my sleeping pill.

one major concern i have is that A is working crazy hours at her new job. I mean crazy. for example, last night she worked all night, didn't come home. this isnt the first time either. what if it doesn't get better and i do get pregnant and then i am alone at home. even though she works way more than i do, i earn more than she does and cutting out my salary would be a major financial blow. i know i can get disability for a while and that my boss will work with me, but the thought of much less money and no gf at home is daunting.

but no stressing.

only enjoyment.

Off topic- anyone watch The Deadliest Catch? WOW, i am watching it on netflix and it is so great!!!!!

random i know

bye bye

helllo? anyone there?

hi :) i think it has been a gazillion years since i even thought about this blog. unfortunately, that means that means that i have been off the TTC bandwagon for a gazillion years. I think we are going to hop back on though!!!! we have been talking about a lot recently and we asked D if he still would donate and he said "sure". which is typical of him, one word answers to very important questions. we are trying to pay off some debt created from last time we did the TTC so we can rack up the costs again. but this time, i am going to try acupuncture. A got a new job and with it comes much better health insurance and it includes acupuncture.

i am so happy for everyone who is pregnant or has had a little pooper of their own. i was sad for a long time, but now i can honestly say i am happy for everyone!

a long time ago, i talked about a dog that we had bought for A's mom. I loved the dog so much. and now, the dog is ours :) little emmet otter is ours and he is the center of our world. seriously, everything revolves around him. the picture shows how cute it is, so it is worth it, but some people think we are crazy



so anyway, i am going to blog better - blog more - and blog ummmmm right?

bye bye

i am thinking january

hello -

this has been such a crazy year. we have had at least 5 graduations including A's which is coming up, gaziliion birthdays, two upcoming weddings and lots of mayhem. all on one income. we are tapped. we are broke. done. stick a fork in us. i always said that well, we can charge this b/c A will be getting a job soon and we can pay it off. well, it is july and she is still waiting to hear. she is sure she got it (knock on wood) but she has to wait for them to get some contract signed. i know once she gets it, we will be fine. it is just now, when we have to plan for A's graduation, our trip after her graduation, her graduation party as well as my brother's wedding that we have to travel to nashville for and dont forget about the mortgage, bills, credit cards. aaacccckkkkk

this too shall pass. i had a panic attack last night. thank goodnesss for ativan. so i think i am feeling better today. no matter what, we will be fine. it just means we are putting off the pooper stuff a little longer. i am hoping to be debt free by the end of this year. so we can rack it all up again paying for baby. it makes me sad to think we have to wait, but the stress is not good for the whole process anyway. I am going to take this time to get healthy, start acupuncture and overall become a more calm person. i am a little well, high strung? anxious? um excentric in my eccentricities?

so we move on. i am going to blog like a mother-bloger. :)

congratulations to those at our true adventures and vee and jay! i can't reemmber how to put in a link, so this is the non-high tech blog version of a yayayayay!

bye