two girls and a potential pooper

forgot a pic of emmet!

2009-04-03T12:08:00.001-07:00

this was taken last easter. he was a little mad :)
he is 1/2 jewish, so maybe he didn't see the reason for the ears?

this is the month, i think

2009-04-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

so we are going to do the insem this month. at least, that is the plan. since our new plan is for me to go up to where the KD lives, I am hoping that the ovulation happens on a weekend. i know that i could go up with late notice to my boss, but if i have court or a meeting, it just makes it that much more complicated. also, i am planning a trip up to see my MIL next weekend and wouldnt it be groovy if it all worked out? i doubt it will though, i dont even have my period yet!
i am going to start drinking the fertilitea this weekend. i hope i like it, i guess it doesnt matter *sigh* this is what we have to do!
i am really optimistic that this month is the month. For a few reasons.
1) I am not going to stress about anything. it will all be good and whatever happens happens.
2) it is free! since it is free, #1 will be a lot easier for me :)
3) i have always said that i didnt want a december baby. i was born on december 23 and my birthday has always been forgotten. my mom is born on december 19 and my gpa is december 1. it is a very busy month with both Hanukkah and Christmas. if i get pregnant now, the baby will be a december baby :) it is the wacky world of fate that i live in, and it just makes me think it will work.

i am also, for the first time, nervous about being pregnant. maybe sub-consciously i never thought it would work before?
maybe i am thinking too much.
bye bye

fertility tea galore!

2009-03-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

so we are officially on the train! i ordreed some fertility tea this morning. A and I, after a lot of thought and discussion and prodding from friends, are going to try to do it at home. it is just so expensive when you have a known donor. the blood tests along are $800 per month. it is just so excessive when there is an option that is almost free. A is very hesitant b/c it is her brother, D. I am not, who cares, its not like he is going to be in the room when it gets squirted. i am excited. i have to ask D of course, but i think he will be more than happy to do it. he hates Los angeles and if he can avoid flying here once a month, he will be a much happier camper.

now i need to start getting myself ready. i stopped taking pre-natal vitamins so that should be the first thing. i need to make an appointment with the acupunturist. and i need to buy a new basal thermometr. I think i threw mine away in a fit of pissed off-ness. it is going to be hard to get back into the whole temperature taking and charting. now it will be even more important because i will not be getting ultrasounds.

i have a good feeling about this! i think i will call the acupunturist today. that part scares me! i hate needles, but for the bay-bee!!!!!!

bye bye

i heart rachel maddow

2009-03-05T16:03:00.001-08:00

i am at work, watching rachel maddow on my i-touch, not working. i just love her. she is so smart and articulate and so good at explaining things and making me interested in them. i heart her. i wonder if she hearts me....

so we are still trying to get prepared to start trying again. i spoke with D and he is still on board (A's brother is our squirt donor). he is getting married this year, so i think we need to hurry up before anything changes. he wants kids of his own and i just get nervous. he is a really great guy, and he loves his sister so much i know he wouldnt do anything to hurt her. but he is also very emotional so who knows. the unknowns are killing me. always do in the ttc game.

well, i ahve to get back to my gf Rachel. :)

bye bye

tips would be greatly appreciated

2009-02-25T10:29:00.001-08:00

so i am starting to think of what i should be doing to get myself ready for TTC'ing. I am going to the gym, although not as regularly as I would like. I haven't really done much else. I seem to have forgotten everything that i learned while i was obsessing over this aspect of my life. one thing i am really going to try to do is not obsess. i will not think about how much each time costs and i will not think about what sign the baby would be if this time would work. i am going to meditate prior to the insemination, or at least that is my goal (although i have never meditated before, not really my kind of activity but i am willing to try).

does anyone have any tips, what type of food should i be eating. oh wait, i think i bought a fertility food book, but tips from those who have been through it would be wonderful.

when i was not sleeping due to anxiety (over work and TTC'ing and money) by therapist put me on a sleeping pill. i obviously have to get off of that. hopefully working out at night will be my sleeping pill.

one major concern i have is that A is working crazy hours at her new job. I mean crazy. for example, last night she worked all night, didn't come home. this isnt the first time either. what if it doesn't get better and i do get pregnant and then i am alone at home. even though she works way more than i do, i earn more than she does and cutting out my salary would be a major financial blow. i know i can get disability for a while and that my boss will work with me, but the thought of much less money and no gf at home is daunting.

but no stressing.

only enjoyment.

Off topic- anyone watch The Deadliest Catch? WOW, i am watching it on netflix and it is so great!!!!!

random i know

bye bye

helllo? anyone there?

2009-02-24T15:35:00.000-08:00

hi :) i think it has been a gazillion years since i even thought about this blog. unfortunately, that means that means that i have been off the TTC bandwagon for a gazillion years. I think we are going to hop back on though!!!! we have been talking about a lot recently and we asked D if he still would donate and he said "sure". which is typical of him, one word answers to very important questions. we are trying to pay off some debt created from last time we did the TTC so we can rack up the costs again. but this time, i am going to try acupuncture. A got a new job and with it comes much better health insurance and it includes acupuncture.

i am so happy for everyone who is pregnant or has had a little pooper of their own. i was sad for a long time, but now i can honestly say i am happy for everyone!

a long time ago, i talked about a dog that we had bought for A's mom. I loved the dog so much. and now, the dog is ours :) little emmet otter is ours and he is the center of our world. seriously, everything revolves around him. the picture shows how cute it is, so it is worth it, but some people think we are crazy

so anyway, i am going to blog better - blog more - and blog ummmmm right?

bye bye

i am thinking january

2008-07-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

hello -

this has been such a crazy year. we have had at least 5 graduations including A's which is coming up, gaziliion birthdays, two upcoming weddings and lots of mayhem. all on one income. we are tapped. we are broke. done. stick a fork in us. i always said that well, we can charge this b/c A will be getting a job soon and we can pay it off. well, it is july and she is still waiting to hear. she is sure she got it (knock on wood) but she has to wait for them to get some contract signed. i know once she gets it, we will be fine. it is just now, when we have to plan for A's graduation, our trip after her graduation, her graduation party as well as my brother's wedding that we have to travel to nashville for and dont forget about the mortgage, bills, credit cards. aaacccckkkkk

this too shall pass. i had a panic attack last night. thank goodnesss for ativan. so i think i am feeling better today. no matter what, we will be fine. it just means we are putting off the pooper stuff a little longer. i am hoping to be debt free by the end of this year. so we can rack it all up again paying for baby. it makes me sad to think we have to wait, but the stress is not good for the whole process anyway. I am going to take this time to get healthy, start acupuncture and overall become a more calm person. i am a little well, high strung? anxious? um excentric in my eccentricities?

so we move on. i am going to blog like a mother-bloger. :)

congratulations to those at our true adventures and vee and jay! i can't reemmber how to put in a link, so this is the non-high tech blog version of a yayayayay!

bye

i forgot!

2008-06-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

the puppie, the cutest dog ever, emmet, is ours! my mother in law couldnt handle the puppiness of him. so he is ours!
he is so wonderful. so much joy comes to us from him. anyway, here is a picture

what a wonderful break

2008-06-25T15:13:00.000-07:00

hi. i have been "off" from this job we call "pregnancy". i had to take some time off mentally and physically as well as financially. but this morning i took my temp for the first time in like 3 months! it was weird. i woke up in the middle of the night worrying that i would forget. but i didnt. it was like i never stopped.
our goal is to start again after this cycle. i had my period for 90 days straight! it was a little unnerving to say the least. i went to my gyno and she said it was my body flushing everything out. that is a lot of flushing in my opinion. but if finally stopped. and i just ended my last period in 5 days. phew!

so we are back on the roller coaster of inseminations.

i have to say congratulations to so many! so many births, so many pregnancies! i am very happy for every one of you.

hopefully, it will be time for some to be happy for me soon :)

i am back, hear me roar!

bye

catch up time i guess

2008-04-14T15:05:00.000-07:00

hi there. i have been absent. absent from writing on my blog, absent from reading blogs. i just needed a break from thinking about baby stuff. i have been told by my doctors to hold off for a few months. to see how the new medication alters me, if it does. so far, nothing bad. i am a little less hungry, which is always good.

a quit her job, she had it for six months. she is in the middle of her thesis so it was not working out to work 50+ hours a week, go to school, and still have time to do her thesis. so she quit. that is another reason we are holding off, we are going to be a little broke the next few months. what can you do.

D is going to come down for a week and fix our bathroom. So nice of him. we are ripping out the tile and demolishing the sink and vanity and taking the mirror down. painting, and i think that is all. with him doing it, it is free labor! that makes me happy. while he is here, he is going to "drop some swimmers off at the pool" i know that is for poop, but it makes more sense for spermies.

i have been super busy at work, which is good. i have also been spending a lot of my time at my mother in laws to see emmet, the puppy. he is like my baby :) i can focus all my mothering skills/or lack thereof on emmet. he loves me :) unconditionally, so long as a i hold him and pet him and let him lick my face. it is nice. see pictures above. he is so cute!

i wonder if there is anything else....i dont think so... my friend who got pregnant on the first insemination she did at home is having her baby shower soon. joy.

bye

Bad blogger bad blogger!

2008-03-07T11:05:00.000-08:00

i have been a bad blogger. slap my wrist! i have had a crazy month. shocking, but BFN. cried for a few days because i knew i had to make some big decisions. as i said in my last post so long ago, i had an eeg and they found nothing. according to my little british neurologist, i had to make a decision, baby or possible future seizures and no driving ever. what a fu**ed up choice that is! i knew there had to be another option. my friend and co-worker said he friend was epileptic (i guess that is what i am, so weird) and had a baby is now pregnant with her second baby. she emailed me her story. she was taken off meds for a while b/c she wanted4d to get pregnant. it was very bad, she had seizures and other stuff happened, not a good thing. her doctor said you can go on meds, a low dose, and you can get pregnant. she did and had a healthy baby. ummm what? could my neurologist have mentioned that? so i immediately went to our old friend, or enemy, google and looked it up. some meds are 90% safe for epilepsy control and baby makin. 90% seems better than sharp stick in the eye...keep reading amiechamie, find something better than 90%....so apparently there is this drug, lamictical (i could be wrong on the spelling) that is often prescribed for pregnant epileptics. you can supplement it with folic acid and vitamin K and it is a little more than 90% that your pregnancy will be perfect. in fact, i read that there are no cases of non-perfect pregnancies on lamictical. yipppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

so needless to say, i started the drugs last week. they make you so freakin tired it is unbelievable. but i started driving again!!!!! i had not driven since February 6. i didnt realize how much i missed it.

so, we are moving forward. i skipped this last month, just ovulated actually i think yesterday. we will be going forward with next month!!! i need to get D on board and call my RE and tell him what is up. I havent called him since i told him about the seizure. it was just too much to deal with all at once. if next month works, will i have a december baby? yikes! another december event. this will be one that i can handle :)

OH so i was tagged! yay. IT is the book one.

Here are the rules:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.
2. Open it to page 123.
3. Find the first 5 sentences and write them down.
4. Then invite 5 friends to do the same.

I am at work, so this is going to be really boring. The nearest book, on my bookshelf at work is Alan Dershowitz letters to a young lawyer. this was one of the many new lawyer books i got when i passed the bar. boring as hell but they look good on my bookcase:

...Thomas had made up his mind about the fate of Roe before he arrived on the Court; without even discussing the issue with his law clerks, he decided that the case should be overturned. "there was no point in talking about Casey, " the source said. "there was no doubt whatsoever on which he was coming out. THere was no discussion at all." Thomas joined Justice Scalia's dissenting opinion, which urged that Roe should overturned"

SO that was a little more than 5 lines, but the writing is indented and i wanted to finish the thought.

since i am so belated in this post, i think everyone and their mother has been tagged. if not, you are it!

oh, and another thing, A and i have been puppy sitting these past 3 weeks. emmet, so cute! he has been coming to work with me and everyone in the office loves him. he seems to have forgotten the puppy pad idea though, he has been poopin everywhere he can! good thing he is so cute. i have to take him back tomorrow :( i am very sad and i know i will cry. we need to move somewhere that we can have a dog. our condo has a strict rule, no pets at all. assholes.

anyway, i am back, all drugged up and ready to get preggers!!

good luck to all those in the TWW. i have good feelings!!!

bye

huh?

2008-02-20T14:44:00.001-08:00

so today is, I think, 14dpo. I am not really sure b/c i got that HCG shot and my symptoms were all wacky. I had cramps around day 7, temp drop, then no cramps and temp increase. i had cramps yesterday and a really bad backache. no spotting, no nothing. then today, no cramps. wtf!

can the hcg shot F*** up a normal cycle?

then i went to the neurologist. had an eeg. they found nothing, they have never found anything. he told me, basically, if i ever want to drive again i need to be on medication and if i want to have a baby, i cant be on medication. nice options.
i am going to try and find another neurologist that maybe specializes in pregnant epileptics who rarely have seizures.

bye

sucks ass!

2008-02-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

so the insemination went well. the shot didnt hurt! yipeee. problem occured though. around 4 am i had a seizure. i have had three in the past - starting when i was studying for the bar exam. i havent had one since 2006, not on any meds anymore since we started TTC'ing. now this happens. just packs a whallop. the neurologist said that if i am not pregnant right now, i should stop for a while to figure out what is going on. i dont like that answer at all. there has to be a way. its not like i have them all the time, 4 in 32 years.

im just bummed. if it isnt one thing it is another. i have to think that this time worked because if not, it might never :(

surpise! iui time!

2008-02-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

so i had quite a morning! got up, voted, went to pick up D from the airport. it is super day for him too! time to give more little guys. i had also scheduled an ultrasound as it was day 13 and i hadn't had one yet, i am trying to save money and not get one every few days. i go in and Helen says, um i think you are ready. i had one on one side that was 21 and one on the other that was 17. so much for upping the clomid! i see the nurse and she says, go across the street and get an hcg shot from the pharmacy and we will get started. ummm what a shot? nooooooo
the great thing about this was that we got to use live spermies. the doctor was very excited about this which made me happy. the bad news is that D missed his flight going home. i felt so guilty and nervous that i was not in the best state of mind during the procedure. D didn't care, which is nice. i hope he got on a flight by now!

so here we are again. back in the TWW. i think i read somewhere that if you get the hcg shot then you can test positive even if you are not pregnant. anyone know about that?

bye

head feels like it is under water (and aother pic of emmet)

2008-01-29T12:42:00.000-08:00

i am sick. i have been sick since friday. fever, aches chills, cough, sinus infection, the works. i hadnt been outside once since friday at 5 until last night when A took me to the urgent care. i got anti-biotics. i hope this works. i had to come to work today. i have two appointments. the last one is at 1:30. then i am going home. i have court tomorrow which sucks even when you feel good. ahhhh nuts!

on to other things, i took my last 2 clomid pills. does anyone know if anti-biotics interferres with clomid? the urgent care doctor didnt seem to think so but i trust all of you more.

good news is i am going to see emmet this weekend!!!!

my friend got a little boston terrier. her name is joan. she is super cute and i am going to puppy sit her tonight! hopefully she will understand that i am sick and will take care of me

bye

cranky pill cometh

2008-01-25T10:27:00.000-08:00

i took my first dose of the 100 mg of clomid. i can feel the crankiness emerging. poor A.

here we go again.

2008-01-23T16:23:00.000-08:00

first here is another pic of emmet. so cute!!! sleeping in his little sweater! i am going to see him next weekend. its sick, i bought a plane ticket to go see a dog.

and as the title suggests, we are in a new cycle. on to try #4. can't say i am happy about it. but what can i do.

on another topic, it is pretty sad about heath ledger. i wasnt a huge fan of his but i always thought he seemed nice. i just think about his little girl and get sad. every story out there says how much he loved her. it is just sad.

bye

the wii has saved me

2008-01-22T12:10:00.001-08:00

the best thing i ever bought was a wii. oh my goodness it is so fun. All i did this three day weekend is watch bones and muder she wrote and play wii. i played wii when i thought my body was in atrophy. it is so fun!!!!! i can play sports! i never knew i could. yippeee!

so today is 13 dpo. FF said i should get AF today, however i always, always spot the day before and that hasnt happened yet. I assume that my luteal phase decided to extend. i think that is a good thing. i just want AF to start so we can start on to the next month!

i came up with a budget. i think i was so unglued this month because the thought of having to pay for another month of this really freaked me out. i sat down and made an excell spreadsheet of A and A's budget. I feel a lot better. We will not be paying any debt down, but we will not be going into more debt. Which is all i can ask for really. This is all if we stick to the budget. i think we can. i hope we can. good thing i already bought the wii.....

so i have to go to court tomorrow, and guess what, yet again, britany is scheduled to be there again! twice in one month i get stuck in court on the same day she is there. arrrggghhhhh. she makes it a zoo. oh well, at least i dont represent her....

bye

bones is the only thing that helps

2008-01-20T17:19:00.000-08:00

did i get you with that title? does it sound morbid, or sexy? truth is i have rented all of season one and now i am on season two of bones. i am watching murder she wrote and bones. i like to get lost in killers. what does that say about me? i like that the killers get caught at the end of the 48 minute episode. gives me some finality.

no AF. 11dpo. still have cramps. have bad heartburn. why do i have cramps? i must be getting AF. there is no way that i could have these cramps and not get AF.

I was so convinced that this cycle would work. good spermies, good eggs - 2 of them and it was january! the month we were supposed to start this TTCing nonesense.

i hope we dont have to skip the next month. i have to talk to D about it. but i dont want to do it until i get my period. i dont want to buy a plane ticket if there is still a .00001% chance that it worked.

oh well, i guess this is what i signed up for. lucky me.

lucky all of us!

bye

clarification

2008-01-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

i think they are cramps. they are more what is the word, contained? that is not the right word. they seem to happen in one place on one side at a time. normally, i have severe cramps all throughout my lower region. today is day 8dpo and my temp continues to go up. and i am starving all the time. no nausea though. boobies are still sore to the touch.

i guess i will just test on sunday and hope for the best. unless i get AF sooner than i anticipated and then i will just lay in bed for about 24 hours and wallow. joy!

bye

i have cramps

2008-01-16T15:04:00.000-08:00

i dont have a fancy witty title. i just have cramps. i dont get it.

it is 7dpo. and i have cramps, they feel like period cramps. does anyone really believe in implantation cramps? i am trying to convince myself that that is what it is but they feel like dumb ole period cramps. could it be that not only am i not pregnant, but my period is coming early!!!

my temp is up. my backaches are pretty severe and my boobs are a little sore. tehy were really sore yesterday, today they are sore when you poke them and then for about a minute after.

i just want a little baby. i know you all underestand. sucks ass

bye

3.5 done

2008-01-09T14:03:00.000-08:00

so i had my second squirt this morning. i feel so full of spermies it is weird. logically, and i know this isnt logical, but i cant think of a reason it shouldnt work. the ultrasound and opk test said it was perfect timing. the squirter said my cervix looked ready, the swimmers were EXCELLENT this time and i have two eggs that the doctor said would both release. we all know that even when the eggs are put in you already fertilized it just sometiems doesnt work. it is just so hard to process when someone is a control freak (and i am not admitting that, but who am i kidding). it is so hard to know that i have no way of changing the outcome other than what i have already done. my boss is like me. she went through i think 7 miscarriages, she is one child but was trying for a second. she did iui, she did ivf and it just never happened for her. she is a go getter, i mean she has her own firm and had her own succesful firm since she was 38. she said that this is the one thing she could not make work for herself and it was really hard to let go. she has stopped trying but i think she is still affected by it. it really sucks!

anyway, enough of that. we are thinking positive. go swimmers go!!!!! i would love a libra baby

bye

lots of stuff smooshed into one post

2008-01-08T18:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know Cali. I know her through her words, her blog. It is amazing how much you can feel for someone who you have never talked to. I think this plaid is very optimisitic and is meant to be a big hug.

I surged on my own today. I had to go to Court this morning and it lasted much longer than i thought it would. i was getting nervous about missing my iui appointment. i finally got out of there around noon, went to work and grabbed the gold ole opk digital test. i knew that if it was not a happy face, i would have a sad face. i would have had to get the shot. i know the shot is nothing, but to me, you might as well be saying that i have to stick a 10 inch diamter cathedar in my woohooo. wow, that was graphic. and um, isn't it 10 that you have to dialate to? eeekkk.

anyway, no shot. i went to the doc and got the spermies ready to be dropped off at the pool! (i know usually this is a euphamism for something else, but as i have said, i think it makes more sense in this context). D started out journey, at our first insem with 1.4 million little gals/guys. His second was more, this time, 25 million!!!! he rocked it out. 60% motility too. nice!

so it is done. i am crampy but very happy. i go back tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. Exciting! then the horrible TWW begins. at least i have the election primaries to keep me busy.

go hillary!!!!

bye

new new new

2008-01-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

new year
new spermies (same guy , just new deposit)
new eggies (i have two follies that are ready, at least i think, one is 24 one is 17)
and new puppie!!!! not mine, we got my MIL an 8 week old puppie. so fucking cute. i only know how to put a pic at the beginning of the post so there he is! his name is emmet, after emmet otter's jug band Christmas. who has ever heard of that? not me until i got with A. apparently her family watched it millions of times as a kid at christmas. weirdos.
he is the cutest puppie i have ever seen. A and I spent the entire week and a half we were up north with the puppie. we took it to old navy, and to target and to macy's. it fits in your sweatshirt so its little head is the only thing poking out. i can't tell you how much i am love with this puppie. A and I are having withdraw. In fact, we are going back up this weekend to see the puppie. we are sick. imagine if we had a baby, could we even go back to work?

On the TTC front-
I have gone to the doctor every other day for the past 6 days. My follies seem ready to burst. I have one at 24 and one at 17. i havent had a positive ovulation test. the doctor came up with a plan. i dont get it, but i have to trust him. we are going to do an insemination tomorrow. if i dont get a positive ovulation test by tomorrow, i will get the shot. first one, scared but ready. then we will inseminate the next day.
Does anyone have any thougths? If i dont get a positive ovulation test today or tomorrow, is tomorrow a wasted insemination?

happy new year everyone.

bye

new day! happy day!

2007-12-22T05:39:00.001-08:00

thank you so much for your nice messages. i am over my pity party and ready to be happy happy happy!

i dont have to work for 11 straight days. can you believe it????? and while i am not working, i will get a paycheck. that is better than a darn bday cake if you ask me.

last night, i cleaned our condo while watching mary poppins and then 9 to 5. it was a great night. i had to clean b/c a friend of mine i havent seen in 10 years is coming over. i am a little nervous. she is the one that i just started talking to on the phone then i found out she was trying to have a baby, she tried at home, once, and is now pregnant. i wonder if she is showing.

in the ttc world, i am having the most horrible cramps ever. does anyone experience a more horrific period after taking clomid? D has an appointmnet and a plane ticket has been purchaes for him to go drop off the swimmers at the pool! i think this is a euphamism for poopping, but it makes more sense for the spermies, don't you think?

i am feeling very positive about the january insemination. skip this if i have already told you all this, but we always said we would start in january 08, i couldnt wait so we started early. maybe our my eggs wanted me to learn about patience and keeping to a plan.

anyway, today my family and A are celebrating hannukah. all my cousins, my brother and his fiancee are here and it should be fun. tomorrow we leave for the bay area!!!

i wish all of you a very merry christmas and a happy and joyous and if you want, fertile new year!!!

bye

happy birthday to me

2007-12-21T13:40:00.000-08:00

so i have been gone for a while. we skipped this month so i didnt think i had much to say. now december 23 is getting close, and its my birthday! i have one of the shitiest days to be born in the year. december 24 is worse. december 25 is worse than that and december 26 is the worst of all. but mine, pretty much sucks.

my family always gets me one present for hannukah and my birthday. this year i literrally got a box wrapped half in hannukah and half in bday paper. One would think this would mean the gift cost twice as much. nope.

now, today, the last day of my work before we go on break, i am supposed to get a bday cake. mybday is on sunday. no other day that we are working between now and then. and guess what, every single person in my office forgot. see, i am usually the one who remembers. and when you are the one who remembers, you get forgotten.

i dont mean to throw a pity party but all of a sudden i am in my office tearing up. why do i care if these people forgot my bday? i guess because i feel like if they forgot my bday they dont care. but i dont think that is true. it goes back to the bad timing.

i guess it is my mom's fault.

thank goodness i have A. her family is planning a big party for me on my bday. we are going up north on sunday and the whole family and friends are going to be there for my favorite burrittos. i am really looking forward to it.

anyway, that is my sad tale of bday woe. i wish i could say it is a once in a lifetime experience, but it isnt.

ok, i am done bitching.

oh and i am gettting AF.

bye

skipping merrilly along

2007-12-04T15:48:00.000-08:00

the title to this blog is very promising, don't you think? tricked you! we are skipping this month. D can't fly down here this month, he is working 7 days a week for the next three weeks. i found this thing where he could ship the goods to me, our doctor wont accept it. oh well.
i did do clomid this month so i went in this morning for my ultrasound. i just wanted to see what was going on. i had two follicles on one side, 15 and 19 and one on the other but it was a -10, i guess that means small. my lining was good too, 9. it all looked perfect for our phantom insemintation! hopefully next month clomid will work just as well.
A and i had originally talked about starting this process in January 2008. i didn't want to wait so we started early. maybe the eggs were just waiting for January 08 because they believe that is their time.... who he F knows, i can think it though, right?

A and i just got back from a few days in las vegas. she had a seminar and i tagged along. it was super fun! i love to gamble. i was alone all day and pretty much slept and gambled all day. it was a joy.
this trip was on the heels of our trip to new orleans for thanksgiving. no more traveling for us until the christmas break. we go to her mom's house from my last day of work (this year it is the 21) through January 2. both of our offices are closed so it is a really nice break. i can't wait! plus my birthday is this month (23) and i love my birthday. i wanted to be pregnant before it this year but we don't always get what we want.
i have a lot more to say but i have to start working. my hours suck!

bye

isn't anything easy?

2007-11-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

so i started clomid. i havent felt really anything except extra cramping. it has been fine. now i am stressed that it will all be a waste of time. i was told by my doctor that D could give his samples without having to go through the blood tests. so i called this morning b/c i found online this shipping thingie that he could do his dirty work, and overnight it to us. he wouldnt have to fly down here which would save him a lot of time and money. i was super excited about it. i called the doctor's office just to make sure before spending the money on it, and what do you know, the lab guy said, well, no he has to come get tested etc. what??????? now i am worried that he wont be able to fly down in time and that i will have all these wonderful eggies ready to go and no spermies to party with. nothing is easy and everything brings stress. have to let it all go. i am having some decafinated green tea. oooooohhhmmmmm ooooohhhhhmmmmm (that is me trying to relax)

oh, and by the way, my friend N who was inseminated at home, no charting and no doctor, is pregnant. i am really happy for her. but the little evil girl who has no compassion and is totally self centered inside has mixed emotions. i feel really evil for saying that. i AM HAPPY FOR HER. i really am. i am just wallowing in self pity for the time being. i really wish her a wonderful and stress free pregnancy!!!! i just wish that the same thing happens for all of us that want it so badly

bye

i am thinking a diry martini...

2007-11-22T09:54:00.000-08:00

well, no AF but temp drop and negative test again. i think AF is toying with me. maybe AF is secretly against alcohol and doesnt want me to drink at this wedding.

have a great day and cheers to the next TWW!!!!

rude!!!

2007-11-21T15:23:00.000-08:00

so i took a test this morning. who am i kidding, i knew i was going to. i have no willpower a all. instant gratification.
so i took a test that i got from longs. longs brand and it was buy one get one free. it had this weird faint shadow of a line. no pink, just a shadow. of course i got all freaked out and ran to longs to get another kind of test. i got the one that makes it idiot proof "not pregnant" or "pregnant". so i was sitting there waiting and BOOOMMMM "not pregnant" how can a test be so rude!

so i guesss that it is. AF has not come yet but i would think i would have tested positive by day 12.

i called the Doc and he was sad. it was cute. he called in a prescription for Clomid and told me here we go again! i have never taken Clomid. i am a little afraid but i am willing to try anything. anyone have an experience on it? what should i expect?

thanks

bye

Doctor vs. Fertility Friend

2007-11-21T04:45:00.000-08:00

so i am on 12 dpo. i had bad cramps yesterday and the day before. periodesque cramps. so periodesque that i have been planning my drinking schedule when we are in new orleans this week. i was expecting to wake up to spotting, if i were following the same pattern as last month. no spotting. not to say it isnt coming, but i ususally wake up with it. however, it is my experience that usual goes out the window when you are ttcing.

my doctor, after the insemination told me i could test today. fertility friend says i should test on friday. who do i listen to? not to say i havent tested since day 9, but can i hold out hope until friday if i dont get my period and i dont get a positive today? who knows. i fear that travel this week will screw it all up and i wont get a period until monday, when i get back, too late to have a drunk ole time in new orleans!!! (this makes it sound like i am a heavy drinker, so funny, i was in college, you know, san francisco age 21 lots of fun, now, i had drinks in las vegas a few months ago and i was up all night throwing up, i am old)

i think i am going to hold out hope until the last possible minute. i have told everyone that i am sure i am not pregnant. i actually beleive that in my brain, but the rest of me sort of likes to not know.

happy turkey or tofurky day to everyone!!!

bye

playing with blogs

2007-11-19T17:08:00.001-08:00

i added a blog roll. first time in a long time i have had the time to organize my obsessions with all of your blogs :)

if you are on my blog roll and you don't want to be just let me know, i know most of you have no idea who i am but your blogs mean a lot to me and i learn so much and get hope and tips and giggles from them

bye

sick

2007-11-19T15:32:00.001-08:00

i am sick. i hate being sick. A was sick and then of course i got sick. trouble is that until i know for sure if i am pg or not, i dont want to take any cold meds. aaaahhhh. i am home alone and totally bored. i went to the video store (looking like shiate) and rented three videos. two of house (the tv show is sooo good) and one called family business. it is about a porn family. thought it looked interesting. i thought i would enjoy today. sneeze cough, watch house. i am totally and completely bored. maybe i like work more than i thought!!! that makes me happy b/c i was worried i would not want to go back to work after the pooper is born. i know one day at home and being sick is not the same as caring for a pooper. just something i was thinkin about.

oh! we got a new car this weekend. we were going to get the honda fit. cute and economical. i test drove it and i did not like it at all. well that isnt true. it was cute, it was orange. it drove well. however, they had added so many dumb extras that it ended up costing way more than i thought it was goin to be. i had a thought, if this car has nothing as far as extras and it is 22K, why not a car with everything for 29K? so that is what we did. we got a prius!! a red prius with everything, leather seats, navi, bluetooth. it is sssooooo great!!!! too bad i am sick or i would be drivin it around today. A gets it monday and tuesday and i get it wed through friday. the subaru is going to be used when we need a big car. otherwiwse, it is the prius all the time!!! and it fits a baby seat and a stroller.

on the TCC front, i have little cramps. nothing like full blown period cramps but i think they are still cramps and makes me feel less than optimisitc. i took a test today and it was negative. it is only 10DPI so i guess it is sort of too early. my temp is back up after a major dip a few days ago. i guess that is a good sign.

oh well, i am feeling shitty all of a sudden, gotta go sleep.... again

bye

twingies

2007-11-14T13:50:00.000-08:00

well it is now 5 dpi. i promised myself no symptoms this time. i will not succumb to the symptom monster. however......... today i have a horrible tummy ache, like little twingies going nutty. it can't be period cramps it is way to early for that. it could be implantation? my temp did dip a little this morning. ok that is it.
no more symptom monster

i can test a week from today my doctor told me. a week, i can wait a week. i am super busy at work so that is good. and this weekend is crazy. i have a committee meeting, we are going to buy a new car, our old car is getting inspected by the car police and i am supposed to see our friend's baby sophia. she is the CUTEST baby i have ever seen in person (there are some very cute babies on some of your blogs :) she is almost a year old and she is just so cute. i can't wait to see her!

well, here is to all of you other tww-ers. i wish you short days and a happy ending!

bye

all about me - in 6 bullet points

2007-11-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by J K-C - can't tell you how exciting this is. i am a dork!!!

Six random things about me:

1) I love high heel shoes. i know it is weird and it is horrible for me since i was born with two extra bones, one in each foot. i had surgery on the left one to take it out when i was around 12 or so but it hurt so bad i refused to do the other one. every so often i have to go to my lovely podiatrist to get physical therapy on a hugely swollen ankle/foot. the cause..... hmmmm i think it could be the high heels shoes. a reasonable person would stop wearing them. i guess i am no that reasonable because i just bought a new pair this weekend!

2) I have seen the movie Clue about 2 million times. Clue is my favorite movie of all times. i have watched it maybe once a week since i was a little girl. it was my sick movie. whenever i was sick, i watched it over and over again. when i wasnt sick i watched it over and over again. my brother recently bought it for me on dvd since i was watching a taped copy of it from the 80's on a vhs. i know it by heart but never get sick of it! my dream is to have a party where everyone has to dress up like someone from clue. little dreams - yet still haven't realized it.

3) i love A's family so much, i want to visit them every weekend we have free. this is odd, don't you think? her family lives in the bay area. we live in southern California. we drive up there at least once a month just so i can hang out with her mom. her mom is one of the best people i have ever met. i just love seeing her. i am bummed b/c now that A has a job, we can't go see her as much. i am also bummed b/c we have to go to a wedding over thanksgiving and we can't see her. my silver lining is that both A and I have from December 22 through January 2 off and we are going up north for the whole time! she is going to make a great g-ma and i wish she lived closer.

4) i don't remember most of my child hood. A gets so mad at me b/c she remembers everything. i probably have 10-20 memories, nothing more. i am not sure why. probably blocked it out. i feel like i should make stuff up but then who does that help.

5) A and I met in 1995 and started dating when she was 18 and i was 20. she broke up with me! we stopped talking for five years. the only reason we started talking again is that one of our mutual friends committed suicide. we drove from San Francisco to southern California together and have been together ever since. sort of morbid but at least a good thing came out of a tragedy.

6) i was a horrible student in high school and college. i am now a lawyer so i feel like i reveal this without sounding too lame. i ditched high school at least once a week. i got my mom to sign the bottom of six pages of paper telling her that i needed her signature b/c we were analyzing mother daughter handwriting in one my classes. i used those pieces of paper for notes to the admin office so i could get out of class. after those ran out, i told her that my friend's mom was out of town and she needed to analyze me and my mom's signatures or she would get in trouble. she bought it. how horrible is that! i continued my horrible student travels to college. i drank before class, didnt go to class. i was wretched. i finally got it together in law school. the fear of looking like a fool took over and i actually went to class and studied. fear will do wonders!

i have to thank for tagging me. it makes me feel like part of a wonderful group! unfortunately, i dont know who else to tag. i tag anyone who reads this, and as part of the tag, you have to send me a comment so we get to know each other!

bye

not much going on

2007-11-11T10:38:00.000-08:00

this is such a weird time. i feel a lot different than i did last month. last month, i convinced myself that i was having morning sickness on day 3dpi. and i realy thought it was true. this month, i have promised myself (and A) that i would have no symptoms. i am goin to will myself to feel nothing. if i can will myself to feel something, why cant i will myself to feel nothing? ready set go....nothing!!! lets see how long this lasts.

this weekend has been very mellow. my work office moved and i have a really modern feel to my specific office. i have sort of retro furniture and it is all silver. i have these wooden frames that i bought when i first passed the bar. i bought this green geomtric fabric and stapled guned it to the frame. i had three of them (i like things in three). i finally decided, after three years, that it was time to recover the frames. i went to MOOD yeseterday and it was super fun. it is a large store filled with nothing but fabric. i foudn this sort of retro lookin fabric, with oranges and browns and turquoise in it. big sort of flower shapes and squiggles. really hard to describe. i did two of the frame in that fabric and one of the frames in a brown on brown pin stripe that i had left over from makin pillows. i love it! i did something crafty and i actually finished it. i am very proud of myself. :)

if only i could figure out how to take a picture of it and put it on the blog...that is my next endeavor.

bye

number 2

2007-11-09T10:07:00.000-08:00

so i had a lot of fears driving over to pick up the little guys/girls from the Reproductive Tech Lab. What if the sperm was worse than the first batch? what if it was empty, i dont know if that is even possible. I got the place, paid my monies and went to the back of the office where the cute girl with the black nail polish was waiting for me. she handed me the piece of paper with the breakdown. what? are you kidding me? 17 million!!!!!! post wash!!!!! literally a 13 million increase from last time. shazaamm!! i was so happy!!!!

i called my mother in law to tell her that her son had great sperm this time. she of course was stressing out that something was wrong with D. she was happy and laughing and said she was going to think about the squirting all day! what a MIL.

so i went to the doctor, went in the room, stripped and sat. the doctor came in right away, such a change from the regular OB. he was so nice and was really happy with the numbers. he was also very happy with my ultra sound result. yipppeee!

flashback - the day before, after my ultra sound, the nurse said that i would have to get a shot after the IUI. um what? ok, i can live with that. i guess. i came to work and immediately went to my boss and said, um shot? what? tell me. she said um i think that is progesterone and i think you have to do it at home for a week or so. um what? no no no no. so of course, typical me fashion, i went home that night and read all i could on the interent. not a great thing when you are trying to calm the F down. i finally just surrendered to the notion that i was going to be a human pin cushion.

flash forward- i got the iui, didn't even hurt this time - i was lying there, talking ot the doc and i didnt bring up the shot and he didnt bring up the shot. i sat there trying to be a big girl, i said , so i dont have to do anything else? i dont have to ummm come back? then i finally said, ok, do i have to get a shot or what. he said no, my cervix looked great and i surged on my own and blah blah blah, i tuned out after no!!!!!

all in all, it was a great experience. the procedure was half the cost than it was at the OB and it was faster and less painful.

now i have the dreaded TWW. i can do it. we can all do it. we are strong!!!!

bye

see my bootie? no shot went in there!

2007-11-08T09:47:00.000-08:00

OR NOT HAVING TO GET A SHOT WHEN YOU THINK ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET A SHOT!!!!

I could have worded that better but who cares, i didn't have to get a shot. i got an ultrasound by nancy, so nice. my folli was 22 mm. she said it looked beautiful. (she loves me :) She said, get ready for your shot, she likes to tease. i waited in the waiting room and another nice lady come out. i was ready, amped, ready to make babies through a shot in the butt, when she said, could you pee in a cup for me dear? of course! anything to hold off the inevitable prick in the rump. after i peeped, i sat back down in the waiting room. she came out, positive, i am positive! no shot no shot no shot.

She wanted me to come back today to get an iui and then another one tomorrow. unfortunatly D only left us one extra deposit so we can only do it tomorrow. i am just so happy that we have that one left. D is apparently so busy right now he can't even breathe without it being at work.

So tomorrow is the day. the nurse said that i might need a shot tomorrow , something about the uterine lining. i am fine with that, for some reason, that makes sense. getting a shot to speed up ovulation that i know will happen anyway, doesnt make sense but i am willing to do what i need for a little pooper.

OH BY THE WAY! i had another lovely person comment on my blog! you have no idea how exciting that is to me. i have to apologize because the only way i know how to respond is to go to that person's blog and comment. i am very technilogically challenged. if you read this again, leave your blog name if you have one. i would love to read it!

here is to hoping that all of you who have squirted this week get happy news in a few weeks!

bye

i thought we were just going to talk....

2007-11-07T08:59:00.000-08:00

First of all, I blog at work. I work pretty hard (most of the time) and use blogging as a break from the world of divorce. Our office just moved and we have not had Internet for over a week!!! Can you believe it? i was going crazy. i had to work more! sucks :) now we have Internet and i can go back to stalking the blogs i read and to writing a blog that hardly anyone reads. its good to be home.

so, yesterday was the big day that i went to the new doctor. he is an RE. and he is a a he. i have never had a male doctor in my life (except dentists). it was a little weird but he came highly recommended. he was very very nice and answered all of the questions i came armed with, nicely typed up and categorized (i am a total "J"). He decided that he wanted to see my insides at that moment. ummm what? i wasnt prepared. i thought it was just going to be a hi how are you, lets work together kinda appointment. nope. i had my very first ultra sound. i have to say it was so cool. the lady, nancy i think her name was, was actually funny and warm and she thought i was in my early twenties, gotta love her.
She showed me my uterus and my what did she call it pocket or something cavity i think. She said they looked great! then she showed me the follicle, i had never seen one before. she said it was at 17 mm and that it looked great! i was worried because of the pcos but when the doctor looked at it he said it looked great and didnt look like a pcos folli. groovy!

he said that even though the spermies are not great, might as well use them one more time and then if didnt work, we would go from there.

i am set for an ultrasound tomorrow morning and if i havent matured then i get a shot. aacckkkkk. i havent shared this i dont think, i freakin HATE shots. not like normal people hate shots, i am petrified of them. i think of the needle being inside my skin and just staying there and i want to pass out. oh my god. i have to get a shot. ok. i can handle it. i told A about the shot and she knows my fear. she said, well its for a baby. how can you argue with that? and i am irritated at her that she would reduce it to that. i mean how can you argue with the baby argument. i have a feeling she is going to use that for everything.....you need to do laundry ... for the baby.... you need to clean my car....for the baby.... you need to kiss my ass....for the baby...... fun fun fun.

so if i get no positive ovulation test, its shotsville. i can handle it...its for a baby ....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh! good luck to my former insemination twin! today is her day!!!! i am thinking good thoughts for you!

bye

new plan of attack

2007-10-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

so as i was sitting in bed writhing from cramps I thought, let's try something different. I think, with the help of my boss and fertility mentor, a new plan has been hatched.

since it is going to be so difficult to get D to come down here. this is his busiest work time and he literally works 24/7. instead of him coming to us, we are going to go to him.

i am looking for a fertility clinic in the bay area that will do live sperm. i know it exists, i just have no experience with it. my obgyn told us to do live sperm as D's motility was not the spunkiest. now we have a plan.

i feel better about it all and more optimistic.

problem is that i feel like we are starting from scratch - find doctor etc.

at least my cramps are almost gone :)

bye

nope

2007-10-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

all done--- negative blood test.

as a new friend just told me - --- shuffle the deck and deal again :)

almost down and out

2007-10-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

so i should have had my period today. i ALWAYS have one day of spotting and then when i wake up i have my period. that hasn't happened yet. I am still spotting. dont really understand. my temp is still up. its so confusing.

i went to the doctor this morning just to be able to know for sure. i got a blood test and i am waiting for the results. i want to believe that i will be pleasantly surprised but i dont want to get my hopes up. it just seems crazy that i haven't gotten my period on 13 dpo (last month i got it on day 10 and the month before day 6!)

this really is the suckiest waiting ever. i thought waiting to know if i passed the bar was hard........

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

2007-10-21T07:20:00.001-07:00

i am confused.

today is 12 dpo. temperature still up. 98.38

negative test.

bright pink spotting when wipe (TMI i know)

now nothing.

why is my temperature still up if i am getting AF?

anyone?

sad :(

bye

irrational fear

2007-10-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

i am scared. tomorrow is the day i can go to my doctor and get a blood test to tell me either yay or nay. what if it is too early? this is totally irrational, but the past 9 days, i have felt pregnant. i dont want someone to tell me i am not. i would rather just assume that i am and never know.

today was the day, as history has set forth, that i am to have a temperature drop and that i am to have spotting. period to come tomorrow. granted, my period is very erratic and i think guided somewhat by my emotions, so it could be wonky this month. however, no temperature drop this morning and no spotting...

last night i was having pretty bad pains in my stomach. i think it was gas but who knows, it could easily have been AF cramps. i think i would rather be notified by my own body than a doctor. i think i just made up my mind, no blood test. just waiting. wait no, i dont want to wait...so indecisive!!!! A said i should just wait to get a positive pg test or my period. i think she is right, right?

bye

excuse me....

2007-10-17T05:11:00.000-07:00

i mean come on..... this is not going to be a ladylike post.... i have the most horrible toots ever! they decide to come out only when i dont want them to and then when i want them to, they are no where to be found.

last night - A and i were in westwood looking for shoes (A has two interviews this week, fingers crossed!) we went to DSW and i found a cute pair of converse that are pale yellow with ladybugs and daisies painted on them (so cute!!) and A was trying to find a pair of dress shoes to go with her "interview outfits" She got a pair of fancy converse, leather. i guess we are a converse family. imagine baby converse!!!! sorry, tangent, anyway, so we were in DSW and *toot* whoops sorry lady in the aisle! i tried to get out of there as fast as i could but the check out lady wanted to talk. gggrrrrr

we finally get out of there and A says, go ahead try and *toot*. do you know how sometimes you can tell if it is going to be a *phoooo* toot and when it is going to be a horn toot? well i was wrong. we were at a stoplight waiting to cross and WHOOPS the loudest toot ever. this is westwood, people all around. i turn to A, gasp (with a smile) and start crossing the street. no green light yet. at least when i was 1/4 way in the street the light turned green. i walked so fast and didn't look back. i could hear A laughing her arse off. supportive GF. grrr

i finally started laughing and then i couldnt stop. interesting night

bye

I am guilty

2007-10-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

i am guilty of doing everything wrong during the 2WW. Every "sign" means something. I have twinges in my tummy, the baby is talking. I have twinges in my tummy, AF is coming. I feel sick, the baby is making me feel sick. I feel sick, AF is coming. I am tired, the baby is making me tired. I am tired, geez you are just tired! this is so freakin hard!!!!!

I have also done the unthinkable. I have tested starting on day 5. who does that? i love to torture myself i guess. i didnt test today, but i wish i had.....

My temp went up again today. What is my body doing to me? I swear it is doing all of this to set me up for a big ole dissappoinmtnet. If my charting is right, and i did get AF, i should start spotting tomorrow or the next day. I guess that will be a tell tale sign.... or could it be implantation spotting.... this system sucks!!!!

i have also been in a pissy mood today. not the same kind of mood i get in right before AF, i am pissy and dumb. I couldn't tell time last night. I swore my watch said 7:00 p.m. and i couldnt understand it b/c i was at a seminar that started at 7:00 p.m. and it had been going on for at least an hour. ummmm dumb dumb, i couldnt read the watch.

aaaccckkkkk

bye

the chart of champions

2007-10-13T11:17:00.001-07:00

so this is the cycle we are counting on. my temps are higher than they have ever been after ovulation. i wonder if you can will your temp high?

i threw up yesterday. i wonder if you can will yourself to throw up?

help, i think i am going crazy

bye

IUI #1

2007-10-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

so it is done! the first of (hopefully) one IUI's is done and i survived. phew! it was a little more painful than i thought it was going to be. that damn speculum! i bet a man invented it.

i had some rather bad news right before i put my leggs up---- aparently D's sperm motility was not as feisty as we would have liked. i have to believe that it can work and did work or (holding breath) will work. it is too perfect of a situation for it not to work.

since the IUI (it was on Monday) I have had cramping, spotting, nausea, tiredness, crakiness and all in teh first two days! who wants to bet that is a little psychosomatic action going on there.

i found these test that you can try after 6 days. that would be on saturday. i am afraid of my hopes being shot if it is too early. how can that not be too early?

right now, i have twinges of pain in my lower tummy (or uterus i guess). i dont know if that is my period getting ready or little pooper getting settled. one can only hope!

bye

this is it

2007-09-18T12:03:00.000-07:00

so this is the month. we are doing it this month. i can hardly believe it. i have the digital fertility moniter, the opk, the chart, the BBT. what more can i do? i hope nothing. i feel like i have done all i can to try and get this to work. it is almost out of my hands. it will be soon.

last week we went to disneyland with our friend and her two year old. the girl was so freakin cute. she was a dare devil! i pushed her into going on the roller coaster for kiddies. i thought perhaps i went too far, but she loved it! she said "again!" i was dying it was so cute. going with a kid is way different then going without a kid. it was a whole different disneyland. this weekend we are going with my bosses kid. she is seven. (we have passes so it is not like we are crazy going every week for s*hits and giggles, we need to get our monies worth!)

A is going out of town for a conference in october. i have this feeling it is when i will be testing if i am preggie. that is going to stress me out. but i can handle it. hopefully.....

bye

all we want

2007-09-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

i am thinking the next cycle will be the winner. because they are so long, if we wait for two more, it might be past october. i am so excited!!!

chubby baby legs galore!

bye

does this make sense?

2007-08-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

(click on pic to make big)

I know that I ovulated. I got a positive test and i had all the spoogies and everything. I even had the "dip" . but now my temparature is not staying up. And my temperature prior to the ovulation was so erratic, who knows what my body is doing?!?!?!

help!

tick tick tick tick

2007-08-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am not the most patient person. for example, if i buy someone a present for a holiday or birthday, that person gets the present hours, days sometimes months early. i can't wait for anything. it is a curse (although A loves it because she gets multiple presents for every single holiday). so we are squirting in october and i CANNOT WAIT. i am concerned it is not going to work and then it will be next october and we wont have a pooper. i guess this is good practice for when i get pregnant. i will have to wait 9 months to see the pooper, nothing i can do about that.

to make matters worse, i am waiting for a child custody evaluation to come back on one of my clients. who cares you might ask? this is not MY child custody evaluation. i think because i am a newbie attorney, i get more emotionally involved in clients then i should. this one calls me everyday, emails me when he doesn't call me and faxes me when he doesn't email. i really really really want this evaluation to come back in his favor. to be honest, i don't know if i want it to come back in his favor to help him or to help me. is that horrible? if we "win" it makes it that much easier in court. am i horrible?

my mother in law and sister in law are coming down this weekend. i love them. i am super happy! it should be fun. it will be three less days that i can only obsess over the pooper!!!

bye

The sperimies have landed!

2007-08-23T09:49:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while, but since i dont think anyone reads this, i dont think anyone was missin it ;)

since i last posted a lot has happened. D came to LA and we all went to our local fertility clinic and he gave a deposit. It was nerve racking for us, i can't even imagine how he felt! he flew in at 7:15 and was back at the airport by 11:00 a.m. perfect! we get what we need and he gets to go to work in the afternoon and not loose a ton of money! i had so many questions for the receptionist. they train them well at this place. she had answers to all of my questions. i called the next day and spoke to a lovely british bloke who told me that we got 6 vials out of his deposit and that the motility looked "young and vibrant". yiiiippppeeee! i thought that 6 vials meant three months, i was wrong. apparently six vials is one month in baby spermie land. but at least it is enough for october, our first month. it is coming so fast yet so slow. i cannot wait!!!

so the charting continues. this current cycle is schizophrenic. i am on CD26 and no ovulation. however this morning the spoogies came so i think *fingers crossed* it is going to be ok. i am going to pee on a stick at 11:00 a.m. so wish me luck! not that we are doing anytihng this month but it helps my mind to know that at least i am ovulating. we have so much hope going into october that i want to do all i can to make it work. talk about pressure!

i should get back to work (or start working since I haven't done it at all yet today).

i will be better about this, maybe someone searching for "spermies and spoogies" will find this blog and someone will actually read it! :) I am not getting my hopes up.

bye

What is that!

2007-06-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

So I am charting. I am trying to figure out if i am 1) Regular 2) do i even ovulate 3) what does a body really do when you bleed.
So i am charting. I take my temperature every morning at 5:55 a.m. ewww sucks but it is the only time that i know i can take it every morning. if i have to go to court i have to wake up at 6 am. so this is the only consistent time of the morning. sucks to be me!
i am also looking at my shall we saw spoogies. i know its gross, but its true. you have to look at your cervical fluid to see what it looks like to know if you are ovulating. who knew it was going to be like this. how do all those people have unplanned pregnancies? it seems so hard to get freakin pregnant!

anyway, the charting is going well, i am on the verge of my first charting ovulation. it is kinda freaky how excited i am to ovulate. its not like i am squirting this month. i just want to know that i do ovulate. i mean most people do. right? i get my period. i should ovulate. however, i didn't get my period for almost a year. and this getting my period thing just started about 2 years ago. so i guess i am a little freaked out that i don't ovulate. that the period i think i am getting is not a period at all, but my mind making me think i am getting a period. whatever, that is nuts, i am a nutty lady as A says every day.

nutty lady, that's me!

obsessive compulsive

2007-06-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

so ever since A and i decided to have a pooper, i can't stop reading everything i can about it. every blog, every book, every everything. i am fascinated by it. i want it now. we have decided that we will start trying in october. A is in school and she will graduate in August, with a break starting in June. october will give us a chance to have a pooper when she has a break. at least in a perfect world if we get lucky and it happens on the first time. but from what i am reading, it only happens the first time when piggies fly.

i am trying to do everything i can to be the most fertile person in the world. i am also trying to do all i can to be the most aware person in regards to my fertility. temperature, ovulation kit, cervical stuffs... who knew about all this stuff. i mean i have been having my "friend flo" since i was 14 but i didnt really ever know what it was until know. how sad is that.

if i had my way we would start now. i want a pooper so badly. but i know that A would KILL me if i even asked. she is so stressed out with school and it is not the right time. october is good. it gives me a few months to chart and to completely obsess :)

so another big decision was made on the TTC front. A's brother D is going to be the donor. crazy huh. we all think of it the same, as DNA. A and I get to have a pooper that is actually one-half of each of us. It is pretty cool. Legally we are all set (i am a family law lawyer so i sort of know about this stuff) D just has to give his buddies to the doctor and we are all set. D also knows that he is not the daddy to the pooper, just an uncle. an uncle that gave us an amazing gift.

we also got a lot of loot from one of my co-workers. a stroller, car seat, high chair, a huge bag of clothes and this thing called a co-sleeper. anyone ever use this? we haven't decided if we are going to use this or not. it seems a little too "family bed" which i dont think i want. we shall see. i like a good bassinet.

anyway, we are on the way to pooperville. i just wish it was sooner. but we all know how time flies. sooner rather than later we will be squirting and life we will be so different.....

baby blogs

2007-05-20T09:23:00.001-07:00

did this work? i am new at this...

is it evil?

2007-05-15T10:58:00.000-07:00

so jerry falwell just died. Is it evil to be happy? i mean he hated gays and lesbians. i can't imagine he wanted us to procreate or be happy or even just be. i don't want to promote being happy when someone dies but i don't think he would be shedding a tear if i died.

pick a swimmer any swimmer

2007-05-13T19:08:00.000-07:00

so i thought we made a choice. we picked a donor. a lucky winner! he had a similar background to my gf and his baby pic was super cute! and now..... my gf's brother is thinking of donating. i think it would be grand, half of her!

anyone have any experience?

how does it work? do you still go through the sperm bank? its all so complicated yet i think somehow it isnt. i am happy about it but trying not to get my hopes up to much.

thanks :)

hi

2007-05-04T09:28:00.000-07:00

its a little scary. lots of first. first blog entry. first time admitting to the anonymous world of blogging that my girlfriend and i are starting the process of having a baby. first time ummm for lots of other things i am sure.

i have been searching on the Internet for anything i can get my hands on regarding lesbians and babies, sperm, insemination etc. any other words i can possibly search for that will help me in my quest to learn everything that can possibly go wrong or right with this process. and i found that the most helpful information that i found was from other couples blogging about their life. so i thought i would join.

hi everyone!

now help me :)

heeeheee