new plan of attack

so as i was sitting in bed writhing from cramps I thought, let's try something different. I think, with the help of my boss and fertility mentor, a new plan has been hatched.

since it is going to be so difficult to get D to come down here. this is his busiest work time and he literally works 24/7. instead of him coming to us, we are going to go to him.

i am looking for a fertility clinic in the bay area that will do live sperm. i know it exists, i just have no experience with it. my obgyn told us to do live sperm as D's motility was not the spunkiest. now we have a plan.

i feel better about it all and more optimistic.

problem is that i feel like we are starting from scratch - find doctor etc.

at least my cramps are almost gone :)

bye

nope

all done--- negative blood test.

as a new friend just told me - --- shuffle the deck and deal again :)

almost down and out

so i should have had my period today. i ALWAYS have one day of spotting and then when i wake up i have my period. that hasn't happened yet. I am still spotting. dont really understand. my temp is still up. its so confusing.

i went to the doctor this morning just to be able to know for sure. i got a blood test and i am waiting for the results. i want to believe that i will be pleasantly surprised but i dont want to get my hopes up. it just seems crazy that i haven't gotten my period on 13 dpo (last month i got it on day 10 and the month before day 6!)

this really is the suckiest waiting ever. i thought waiting to know if i passed the bar was hard........

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i am confused.

today is 12 dpo. temperature still up. 98.38

negative test.

bright pink spotting when wipe (TMI i know)

now nothing.

why is my temperature still up if i am getting AF?

anyone?

sad :(

bye

irrational fear

i am scared. tomorrow is the day i can go to my doctor and get a blood test to tell me either yay or nay. what if it is too early? this is totally irrational, but the past 9 days, i have felt pregnant. i dont want someone to tell me i am not. i would rather just assume that i am and never know.

today was the day, as history has set forth, that i am to have a temperature drop and that i am to have spotting. period to come tomorrow. granted, my period is very erratic and i think guided somewhat by my emotions, so it could be wonky this month. however, no temperature drop this morning and no spotting...

last night i was having pretty bad pains in my stomach. i think it was gas but who knows, it could easily have been AF cramps. i think i would rather be notified by my own body than a doctor. i think i just made up my mind, no blood test. just waiting. wait no, i dont want to wait...so indecisive!!!! A said i should just wait to get a positive pg test or my period. i think she is right, right?

bye

excuse me....

i mean come on..... this is not going to be a ladylike post.... i have the most horrible toots ever! they decide to come out only when i dont want them to and then when i want them to, they are no where to be found.

last night - A and i were in westwood looking for shoes (A has two interviews this week, fingers crossed!) we went to DSW and i found a cute pair of converse that are pale yellow with ladybugs and daisies painted on them (so cute!!) and A was trying to find a pair of dress shoes to go with her "interview outfits" She got a pair of fancy converse, leather. i guess we are a converse family. imagine baby converse!!!! sorry, tangent, anyway, so we were in DSW and *toot* whoops sorry lady in the aisle! i tried to get out of there as fast as i could but the check out lady wanted to talk. gggrrrrr

we finally get out of there and A says, go ahead try and *toot*. do you know how sometimes you can tell if it is going to be a *phoooo* toot and when it is going to be a horn toot? well i was wrong. we were at a stoplight waiting to cross and WHOOPS the loudest toot ever. this is westwood, people all around. i turn to A, gasp (with a smile) and start crossing the street. no green light yet. at least when i was 1/4 way in the street the light turned green. i walked so fast and didn't look back. i could hear A laughing her arse off. supportive GF. grrr

i finally started laughing and then i couldnt stop. interesting night

bye

I am guilty

i am guilty of doing everything wrong during the 2WW. Every "sign" means something. I have twinges in my tummy, the baby is talking. I have twinges in my tummy, AF is coming. I feel sick, the baby is making me feel sick. I feel sick, AF is coming. I am tired, the baby is making me tired. I am tired, geez you are just tired! this is so freakin hard!!!!!

I have also done the unthinkable. I have tested starting on day 5. who does that? i love to torture myself i guess. i didnt test today, but i wish i had.....

My temp went up again today. What is my body doing to me? I swear it is doing all of this to set me up for a big ole dissappoinmtnet. If my charting is right, and i did get AF, i should start spotting tomorrow or the next day. I guess that will be a tell tale sign.... or could it be implantation spotting.... this system sucks!!!!

i have also been in a pissy mood today. not the same kind of mood i get in right before AF, i am pissy and dumb. I couldn't tell time last night. I swore my watch said 7:00 p.m. and i couldnt understand it b/c i was at a seminar that started at 7:00 p.m. and it had been going on for at least an hour. ummmm dumb dumb, i couldnt read the watch.

aaaccckkkkk

bye

the chart of champions

so this is the cycle we are counting on. my temps are higher than they have ever been after ovulation. i wonder if you can will your temp high?

i threw up yesterday. i wonder if you can will yourself to throw up?

help, i think i am going crazy

bye

IUI #1

so it is done! the first of (hopefully) one IUI's is done and i survived. phew! it was a little more painful than i thought it was going to be. that damn speculum! i bet a man invented it.

i had some rather bad news right before i put my leggs up---- aparently D's sperm motility was not as feisty as we would have liked. i have to believe that it can work and did work or (holding breath) will work. it is too perfect of a situation for it not to work.

since the IUI (it was on Monday) I have had cramping, spotting, nausea, tiredness, crakiness and all in teh first two days! who wants to bet that is a little psychosomatic action going on there.

i found these test that you can try after 6 days. that would be on saturday. i am afraid of my hopes being shot if it is too early. how can that not be too early?

right now, i have twinges of pain in my lower tummy (or uterus i guess). i dont know if that is my period getting ready or little pooper getting settled. one can only hope!

bye