new day! happy day!

thank you so much for your nice messages. i am over my pity party and ready to be happy happy happy!

i dont have to work for 11 straight days. can you believe it????? and while i am not working, i will get a paycheck. that is better than a darn bday cake if you ask me.

last night, i cleaned our condo while watching mary poppins and then 9 to 5. it was a great night. i had to clean b/c a friend of mine i havent seen in 10 years is coming over. i am a little nervous. she is the one that i just started talking to on the phone then i found out she was trying to have a baby, she tried at home, once, and is now pregnant. i wonder if she is showing.

in the ttc world, i am having the most horrible cramps ever. does anyone experience a more horrific period after taking clomid? D has an appointmnet and a plane ticket has been purchaes for him to go drop off the swimmers at the pool! i think this is a euphamism for poopping, but it makes more sense for the spermies, don't you think?

i am feeling very positive about the january insemination. skip this if i have already told you all this, but we always said we would start in january 08, i couldnt wait so we started early. maybe our my eggs wanted me to learn about patience and keeping to a plan.

anyway, today my family and A are celebrating hannukah. all my cousins, my brother and his fiancee are here and it should be fun. tomorrow we leave for the bay area!!!

i wish all of you a very merry christmas and a happy and joyous and if you want, fertile new year!!!

bye

happy birthday to me

so i have been gone for a while. we skipped this month so i didnt think i had much to say. now december 23 is getting close, and its my birthday! i have one of the shitiest days to be born in the year. december 24 is worse. december 25 is worse than that and december 26 is the worst of all. but mine, pretty much sucks.

my family always gets me one present for hannukah and my birthday. this year i literrally got a box wrapped half in hannukah and half in bday paper. One would think this would mean the gift cost twice as much. nope.

now, today, the last day of my work before we go on break, i am supposed to get a bday cake. mybday is on sunday. no other day that we are working between now and then. and guess what, every single person in my office forgot. see, i am usually the one who remembers. and when you are the one who remembers, you get forgotten.

i dont mean to throw a pity party but all of a sudden i am in my office tearing up. why do i care if these people forgot my bday? i guess because i feel like if they forgot my bday they dont care. but i dont think that is true. it goes back to the bad timing.

i guess it is my mom's fault.

thank goodness i have A. her family is planning a big party for me on my bday. we are going up north on sunday and the whole family and friends are going to be there for my favorite burrittos. i am really looking forward to it.

anyway, that is my sad tale of bday woe. i wish i could say it is a once in a lifetime experience, but it isnt.

ok, i am done bitching.

oh and i am gettting AF.

bye

skipping merrilly along

the title to this blog is very promising, don't you think? tricked you! we are skipping this month. D can't fly down here this month, he is working 7 days a week for the next three weeks. i found this thing where he could ship the goods to me, our doctor wont accept it. oh well.
i did do clomid this month so i went in this morning for my ultrasound. i just wanted to see what was going on. i had two follicles on one side, 15 and 19 and one on the other but it was a -10, i guess that means small. my lining was good too, 9. it all looked perfect for our phantom insemintation! hopefully next month clomid will work just as well.
A and i had originally talked about starting this process in January 2008. i didn't want to wait so we started early. maybe the eggs were just waiting for January 08 because they believe that is their time.... who he F knows, i can think it though, right?

A and i just got back from a few days in las vegas. she had a seminar and i tagged along. it was super fun! i love to gamble. i was alone all day and pretty much slept and gambled all day. it was a joy.
this trip was on the heels of our trip to new orleans for thanksgiving. no more traveling for us until the christmas break. we go to her mom's house from my last day of work (this year it is the 21) through January 2. both of our offices are closed so it is a really nice break. i can't wait! plus my birthday is this month (23) and i love my birthday. i wanted to be pregnant before it this year but we don't always get what we want.
i have a lot more to say but i have to start working. my hours suck!

bye

isn't anything easy?

so i started clomid. i havent felt really anything except extra cramping. it has been fine. now i am stressed that it will all be a waste of time. i was told by my doctor that D could give his samples without having to go through the blood tests. so i called this morning b/c i found online this shipping thingie that he could do his dirty work, and overnight it to us. he wouldnt have to fly down here which would save him a lot of time and money. i was super excited about it. i called the doctor's office just to make sure before spending the money on it, and what do you know, the lab guy said, well, no he has to come get tested etc. what??????? now i am worried that he wont be able to fly down in time and that i will have all these wonderful eggies ready to go and no spermies to party with. nothing is easy and everything brings stress. have to let it all go. i am having some decafinated green tea. oooooohhhmmmmm ooooohhhhhmmmmm (that is me trying to relax)

oh, and by the way, my friend N who was inseminated at home, no charting and no doctor, is pregnant. i am really happy for her. but the little evil girl who has no compassion and is totally self centered inside has mixed emotions. i feel really evil for saying that. i AM HAPPY FOR HER. i really am. i am just wallowing in self pity for the time being. i really wish her a wonderful and stress free pregnancy!!!! i just wish that the same thing happens for all of us that want it so badly

bye

i am thinking a diry martini...

well, no AF but temp drop and negative test again. i think AF is toying with me. maybe AF is secretly against alcohol and doesnt want me to drink at this wedding.

have a great day and cheers to the next TWW!!!!

rude!!!

so i took a test this morning. who am i kidding, i knew i was going to. i have no willpower a all. instant gratification.
so i took a test that i got from longs. longs brand and it was buy one get one free. it had this weird faint shadow of a line. no pink, just a shadow. of course i got all freaked out and ran to longs to get another kind of test. i got the one that makes it idiot proof "not pregnant" or "pregnant". so i was sitting there waiting and BOOOMMMM "not pregnant" how can a test be so rude!

so i guesss that it is. AF has not come yet but i would think i would have tested positive by day 12.

i called the Doc and he was sad. it was cute. he called in a prescription for Clomid and told me here we go again! i have never taken Clomid. i am a little afraid but i am willing to try anything. anyone have an experience on it? what should i expect?

thanks

bye

Doctor vs. Fertility Friend

so i am on 12 dpo. i had bad cramps yesterday and the day before. periodesque cramps. so periodesque that i have been planning my drinking schedule when we are in new orleans this week. i was expecting to wake up to spotting, if i were following the same pattern as last month. no spotting. not to say it isnt coming, but i ususally wake up with it. however, it is my experience that usual goes out the window when you are ttcing.

my doctor, after the insemination told me i could test today. fertility friend says i should test on friday. who do i listen to? not to say i havent tested since day 9, but can i hold out hope until friday if i dont get my period and i dont get a positive today? who knows. i fear that travel this week will screw it all up and i wont get a period until monday, when i get back, too late to have a drunk ole time in new orleans!!! (this makes it sound like i am a heavy drinker, so funny, i was in college, you know, san francisco age 21 lots of fun, now, i had drinks in las vegas a few months ago and i was up all night throwing up, i am old)

i think i am going to hold out hope until the last possible minute. i have told everyone that i am sure i am not pregnant. i actually beleive that in my brain, but the rest of me sort of likes to not know.

happy turkey or tofurky day to everyone!!!

bye

playing with blogs

i added a blog roll. first time in a long time i have had the time to organize my obsessions with all of your blogs :)

if you are on my blog roll and you don't want to be just let me know, i know most of you have no idea who i am but your blogs mean a lot to me and i learn so much and get hope and tips and giggles from them

bye

sick

i am sick. i hate being sick. A was sick and then of course i got sick. trouble is that until i know for sure if i am pg or not, i dont want to take any cold meds. aaaahhhh. i am home alone and totally bored. i went to the video store (looking like shiate) and rented three videos. two of house (the tv show is sooo good) and one called family business. it is about a porn family. thought it looked interesting. i thought i would enjoy today. sneeze cough, watch house. i am totally and completely bored. maybe i like work more than i thought!!! that makes me happy b/c i was worried i would not want to go back to work after the pooper is born. i know one day at home and being sick is not the same as caring for a pooper. just something i was thinkin about.

oh! we got a new car this weekend. we were going to get the honda fit. cute and economical. i test drove it and i did not like it at all. well that isnt true. it was cute, it was orange. it drove well. however, they had added so many dumb extras that it ended up costing way more than i thought it was goin to be. i had a thought, if this car has nothing as far as extras and it is 22K, why not a car with everything for 29K? so that is what we did. we got a prius!! a red prius with everything, leather seats, navi, bluetooth. it is sssooooo great!!!! too bad i am sick or i would be drivin it around today. A gets it monday and tuesday and i get it wed through friday. the subaru is going to be used when we need a big car. otherwiwse, it is the prius all the time!!! and it fits a baby seat and a stroller.

on the TCC front, i have little cramps. nothing like full blown period cramps but i think they are still cramps and makes me feel less than optimisitc. i took a test today and it was negative. it is only 10DPI so i guess it is sort of too early. my temp is back up after a major dip a few days ago. i guess that is a good sign.

oh well, i am feeling shitty all of a sudden, gotta go sleep.... again

bye

twingies

well it is now 5 dpi. i promised myself no symptoms this time. i will not succumb to the symptom monster. however......... today i have a horrible tummy ache, like little twingies going nutty. it can't be period cramps it is way to early for that. it could be implantation? my temp did dip a little this morning. ok that is it.
no more symptom monster

i can test a week from today my doctor told me. a week, i can wait a week. i am super busy at work so that is good. and this weekend is crazy. i have a committee meeting, we are going to buy a new car, our old car is getting inspected by the car police and i am supposed to see our friend's baby sophia. she is the CUTEST baby i have ever seen in person (there are some very cute babies on some of your blogs :) she is almost a year old and she is just so cute. i can't wait to see her!

well, here is to all of you other tww-ers. i wish you short days and a happy ending!

bye

all about me - in 6 bullet points

I was tagged by J K-C - can't tell you how exciting this is. i am a dork!!!

Six random things about me:

1) I love high heel shoes. i know it is weird and it is horrible for me since i was born with two extra bones, one in each foot. i had surgery on the left one to take it out when i was around 12 or so but it hurt so bad i refused to do the other one. every so often i have to go to my lovely podiatrist to get physical therapy on a hugely swollen ankle/foot. the cause..... hmmmm i think it could be the high heels shoes. a reasonable person would stop wearing them. i guess i am no that reasonable because i just bought a new pair this weekend!

2) I have seen the movie Clue about 2 million times. Clue is my favorite movie of all times. i have watched it maybe once a week since i was a little girl. it was my sick movie. whenever i was sick, i watched it over and over again. when i wasnt sick i watched it over and over again. my brother recently bought it for me on dvd since i was watching a taped copy of it from the 80's on a vhs. i know it by heart but never get sick of it! my dream is to have a party where everyone has to dress up like someone from clue. little dreams - yet still haven't realized it.

3) i love A's family so much, i want to visit them every weekend we have free. this is odd, don't you think? her family lives in the bay area. we live in southern California. we drive up there at least once a month just so i can hang out with her mom. her mom is one of the best people i have ever met. i just love seeing her. i am bummed b/c now that A has a job, we can't go see her as much. i am also bummed b/c we have to go to a wedding over thanksgiving and we can't see her. my silver lining is that both A and I have from December 22 through January 2 off and we are going up north for the whole time! she is going to make a great g-ma and i wish she lived closer.

4) i don't remember most of my child hood. A gets so mad at me b/c she remembers everything. i probably have 10-20 memories, nothing more. i am not sure why. probably blocked it out. i feel like i should make stuff up but then who does that help.

5) A and I met in 1995 and started dating when she was 18 and i was 20. she broke up with me! we stopped talking for five years. the only reason we started talking again is that one of our mutual friends committed suicide. we drove from San Francisco to southern California together and have been together ever since. sort of morbid but at least a good thing came out of a tragedy.

6) i was a horrible student in high school and college. i am now a lawyer so i feel like i reveal this without sounding too lame. i ditched high school at least once a week. i got my mom to sign the bottom of six pages of paper telling her that i needed her signature b/c we were analyzing mother daughter handwriting in one my classes. i used those pieces of paper for notes to the admin office so i could get out of class. after those ran out, i told her that my friend's mom was out of town and she needed to analyze me and my mom's signatures or she would get in trouble. she bought it. how horrible is that! i continued my horrible student travels to college. i drank before class, didnt go to class. i was wretched. i finally got it together in law school. the fear of looking like a fool took over and i actually went to class and studied. fear will do wonders!

i have to thank for tagging me. it makes me feel like part of a wonderful group! unfortunately, i dont know who else to tag. i tag anyone who reads this, and as part of the tag, you have to send me a comment so we get to know each other!

bye

not much going on

this is such a weird time. i feel a lot different than i did last month. last month, i convinced myself that i was having morning sickness on day 3dpi. and i realy thought it was true. this month, i have promised myself (and A) that i would have no symptoms. i am goin to will myself to feel nothing. if i can will myself to feel something, why cant i will myself to feel nothing? ready set go....nothing!!! lets see how long this lasts.

this weekend has been very mellow. my work office moved and i have a really modern feel to my specific office. i have sort of retro furniture and it is all silver. i have these wooden frames that i bought when i first passed the bar. i bought this green geomtric fabric and stapled guned it to the frame. i had three of them (i like things in three). i finally decided, after three years, that it was time to recover the frames. i went to MOOD yeseterday and it was super fun. it is a large store filled with nothing but fabric. i foudn this sort of retro lookin fabric, with oranges and browns and turquoise in it. big sort of flower shapes and squiggles. really hard to describe. i did two of the frame in that fabric and one of the frames in a brown on brown pin stripe that i had left over from makin pillows. i love it! i did something crafty and i actually finished it. i am very proud of myself. :)

if only i could figure out how to take a picture of it and put it on the blog...that is my next endeavor.

bye

number 2

so i had a lot of fears driving over to pick up the little guys/girls from the Reproductive Tech Lab. What if the sperm was worse than the first batch? what if it was empty, i dont know if that is even possible. I got the place, paid my monies and went to the back of the office where the cute girl with the black nail polish was waiting for me. she handed me the piece of paper with the breakdown. what? are you kidding me? 17 million!!!!!! post wash!!!!! literally a 13 million increase from last time. shazaamm!! i was so happy!!!!

i called my mother in law to tell her that her son had great sperm this time. she of course was stressing out that something was wrong with D. she was happy and laughing and said she was going to think about the squirting all day! what a MIL.

so i went to the doctor, went in the room, stripped and sat. the doctor came in right away, such a change from the regular OB. he was so nice and was really happy with the numbers. he was also very happy with my ultra sound result. yipppeee!

flashback - the day before, after my ultra sound, the nurse said that i would have to get a shot after the IUI. um what? ok, i can live with that. i guess. i came to work and immediately went to my boss and said, um shot? what? tell me. she said um i think that is progesterone and i think you have to do it at home for a week or so. um what? no no no no. so of course, typical me fashion, i went home that night and read all i could on the interent. not a great thing when you are trying to calm the F down. i finally just surrendered to the notion that i was going to be a human pin cushion.

flash forward- i got the iui, didn't even hurt this time - i was lying there, talking ot the doc and i didnt bring up the shot and he didnt bring up the shot. i sat there trying to be a big girl, i said , so i dont have to do anything else? i dont have to ummm come back? then i finally said, ok, do i have to get a shot or what. he said no, my cervix looked great and i surged on my own and blah blah blah, i tuned out after no!!!!!

all in all, it was a great experience. the procedure was half the cost than it was at the OB and it was faster and less painful.

now i have the dreaded TWW. i can do it. we can all do it. we are strong!!!!

bye

see my bootie? no shot went in there!

OR NOT HAVING TO GET A SHOT WHEN YOU THINK ARE GOING TO HAVE TO GET A SHOT!!!!

I could have worded that better but who cares, i didn't have to get a shot. i got an ultrasound by nancy, so nice. my folli was 22 mm. she said it looked beautiful. (she loves me :) She said, get ready for your shot, she likes to tease. i waited in the waiting room and another nice lady come out. i was ready, amped, ready to make babies through a shot in the butt, when she said, could you pee in a cup for me dear? of course! anything to hold off the inevitable prick in the rump. after i peeped, i sat back down in the waiting room. she came out, positive, i am positive! no shot no shot no shot.

She wanted me to come back today to get an iui and then another one tomorrow. unfortunatly D only left us one extra deposit so we can only do it tomorrow. i am just so happy that we have that one left. D is apparently so busy right now he can't even breathe without it being at work.

So tomorrow is the day. the nurse said that i might need a shot tomorrow , something about the uterine lining. i am fine with that, for some reason, that makes sense. getting a shot to speed up ovulation that i know will happen anyway, doesnt make sense but i am willing to do what i need for a little pooper.

OH BY THE WAY! i had another lovely person comment on my blog! you have no idea how exciting that is to me. i have to apologize because the only way i know how to respond is to go to that person's blog and comment. i am very technilogically challenged. if you read this again, leave your blog name if you have one. i would love to read it!

here is to hoping that all of you who have squirted this week get happy news in a few weeks!

bye

i thought we were just going to talk....

First of all, I blog at work. I work pretty hard (most of the time) and use blogging as a break from the world of divorce. Our office just moved and we have not had Internet for over a week!!! Can you believe it? i was going crazy. i had to work more! sucks :) now we have Internet and i can go back to stalking the blogs i read and to writing a blog that hardly anyone reads. its good to be home.

so, yesterday was the big day that i went to the new doctor. he is an RE. and he is a a he. i have never had a male doctor in my life (except dentists). it was a little weird but he came highly recommended. he was very very nice and answered all of the questions i came armed with, nicely typed up and categorized (i am a total "J"). He decided that he wanted to see my insides at that moment. ummm what? i wasnt prepared. i thought it was just going to be a hi how are you, lets work together kinda appointment. nope. i had my very first ultra sound. i have to say it was so cool. the lady, nancy i think her name was, was actually funny and warm and she thought i was in my early twenties, gotta love her.
She showed me my uterus and my what did she call it pocket or something cavity i think. She said they looked great! then she showed me the follicle, i had never seen one before. she said it was at 17 mm and that it looked great! i was worried because of the pcos but when the doctor looked at it he said it looked great and didnt look like a pcos folli. groovy!

he said that even though the spermies are not great, might as well use them one more time and then if didnt work, we would go from there.

i am set for an ultrasound tomorrow morning and if i havent matured then i get a shot. aacckkkkk. i havent shared this i dont think, i freakin HATE shots. not like normal people hate shots, i am petrified of them. i think of the needle being inside my skin and just staying there and i want to pass out. oh my god. i have to get a shot. ok. i can handle it. i told A about the shot and she knows my fear. she said, well its for a baby. how can you argue with that? and i am irritated at her that she would reduce it to that. i mean how can you argue with the baby argument. i have a feeling she is going to use that for everything.....you need to do laundry ... for the baby.... you need to clean my car....for the baby.... you need to kiss my ass....for the baby...... fun fun fun.

so if i get no positive ovulation test, its shotsville. i can handle it...its for a baby ....

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

oh! good luck to my former insemination twin! today is her day!!!! i am thinking good thoughts for you!

bye

new plan of attack

so as i was sitting in bed writhing from cramps I thought, let's try something different. I think, with the help of my boss and fertility mentor, a new plan has been hatched.

since it is going to be so difficult to get D to come down here. this is his busiest work time and he literally works 24/7. instead of him coming to us, we are going to go to him.

i am looking for a fertility clinic in the bay area that will do live sperm. i know it exists, i just have no experience with it. my obgyn told us to do live sperm as D's motility was not the spunkiest. now we have a plan.

i feel better about it all and more optimistic.

problem is that i feel like we are starting from scratch - find doctor etc.

at least my cramps are almost gone :)

bye

nope

all done--- negative blood test.

as a new friend just told me - --- shuffle the deck and deal again :)

almost down and out

so i should have had my period today. i ALWAYS have one day of spotting and then when i wake up i have my period. that hasn't happened yet. I am still spotting. dont really understand. my temp is still up. its so confusing.

i went to the doctor this morning just to be able to know for sure. i got a blood test and i am waiting for the results. i want to believe that i will be pleasantly surprised but i dont want to get my hopes up. it just seems crazy that i haven't gotten my period on 13 dpo (last month i got it on day 10 and the month before day 6!)

this really is the suckiest waiting ever. i thought waiting to know if i passed the bar was hard........

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i am confused.

today is 12 dpo. temperature still up. 98.38

negative test.

bright pink spotting when wipe (TMI i know)

now nothing.

why is my temperature still up if i am getting AF?

anyone?

sad :(

bye

irrational fear

i am scared. tomorrow is the day i can go to my doctor and get a blood test to tell me either yay or nay. what if it is too early? this is totally irrational, but the past 9 days, i have felt pregnant. i dont want someone to tell me i am not. i would rather just assume that i am and never know.

today was the day, as history has set forth, that i am to have a temperature drop and that i am to have spotting. period to come tomorrow. granted, my period is very erratic and i think guided somewhat by my emotions, so it could be wonky this month. however, no temperature drop this morning and no spotting...

last night i was having pretty bad pains in my stomach. i think it was gas but who knows, it could easily have been AF cramps. i think i would rather be notified by my own body than a doctor. i think i just made up my mind, no blood test. just waiting. wait no, i dont want to wait...so indecisive!!!! A said i should just wait to get a positive pg test or my period. i think she is right, right?

bye

excuse me....

i mean come on..... this is not going to be a ladylike post.... i have the most horrible toots ever! they decide to come out only when i dont want them to and then when i want them to, they are no where to be found.

last night - A and i were in westwood looking for shoes (A has two interviews this week, fingers crossed!) we went to DSW and i found a cute pair of converse that are pale yellow with ladybugs and daisies painted on them (so cute!!) and A was trying to find a pair of dress shoes to go with her "interview outfits" She got a pair of fancy converse, leather. i guess we are a converse family. imagine baby converse!!!! sorry, tangent, anyway, so we were in DSW and *toot* whoops sorry lady in the aisle! i tried to get out of there as fast as i could but the check out lady wanted to talk. gggrrrrr

we finally get out of there and A says, go ahead try and *toot*. do you know how sometimes you can tell if it is going to be a *phoooo* toot and when it is going to be a horn toot? well i was wrong. we were at a stoplight waiting to cross and WHOOPS the loudest toot ever. this is westwood, people all around. i turn to A, gasp (with a smile) and start crossing the street. no green light yet. at least when i was 1/4 way in the street the light turned green. i walked so fast and didn't look back. i could hear A laughing her arse off. supportive GF. grrr

i finally started laughing and then i couldnt stop. interesting night

bye

I am guilty

i am guilty of doing everything wrong during the 2WW. Every "sign" means something. I have twinges in my tummy, the baby is talking. I have twinges in my tummy, AF is coming. I feel sick, the baby is making me feel sick. I feel sick, AF is coming. I am tired, the baby is making me tired. I am tired, geez you are just tired! this is so freakin hard!!!!!

I have also done the unthinkable. I have tested starting on day 5. who does that? i love to torture myself i guess. i didnt test today, but i wish i had.....

My temp went up again today. What is my body doing to me? I swear it is doing all of this to set me up for a big ole dissappoinmtnet. If my charting is right, and i did get AF, i should start spotting tomorrow or the next day. I guess that will be a tell tale sign.... or could it be implantation spotting.... this system sucks!!!!

i have also been in a pissy mood today. not the same kind of mood i get in right before AF, i am pissy and dumb. I couldn't tell time last night. I swore my watch said 7:00 p.m. and i couldnt understand it b/c i was at a seminar that started at 7:00 p.m. and it had been going on for at least an hour. ummmm dumb dumb, i couldnt read the watch.

aaaccckkkkk

bye

the chart of champions

so this is the cycle we are counting on. my temps are higher than they have ever been after ovulation. i wonder if you can will your temp high?

i threw up yesterday. i wonder if you can will yourself to throw up?

help, i think i am going crazy

bye

IUI #1

so it is done! the first of (hopefully) one IUI's is done and i survived. phew! it was a little more painful than i thought it was going to be. that damn speculum! i bet a man invented it.

i had some rather bad news right before i put my leggs up---- aparently D's sperm motility was not as feisty as we would have liked. i have to believe that it can work and did work or (holding breath) will work. it is too perfect of a situation for it not to work.

since the IUI (it was on Monday) I have had cramping, spotting, nausea, tiredness, crakiness and all in teh first two days! who wants to bet that is a little psychosomatic action going on there.

i found these test that you can try after 6 days. that would be on saturday. i am afraid of my hopes being shot if it is too early. how can that not be too early?

right now, i have twinges of pain in my lower tummy (or uterus i guess). i dont know if that is my period getting ready or little pooper getting settled. one can only hope!

bye

this is it

so this is the month. we are doing it this month. i can hardly believe it. i have the digital fertility moniter, the opk, the chart, the BBT. what more can i do? i hope nothing. i feel like i have done all i can to try and get this to work. it is almost out of my hands. it will be soon.

last week we went to disneyland with our friend and her two year old. the girl was so freakin cute. she was a dare devil! i pushed her into going on the roller coaster for kiddies. i thought perhaps i went too far, but she loved it! she said "again!" i was dying it was so cute. going with a kid is way different then going without a kid. it was a whole different disneyland. this weekend we are going with my bosses kid. she is seven. (we have passes so it is not like we are crazy going every week for s*hits and giggles, we need to get our monies worth!)

A is going out of town for a conference in october. i have this feeling it is when i will be testing if i am preggie. that is going to stress me out. but i can handle it. hopefully.....

bye

all we want

i am thinking the next cycle will be the winner. because they are so long, if we wait for two more, it might be past october. i am so excited!!!

chubby baby legs galore!

bye

does this make sense?

(click on pic to make big)

I know that I ovulated. I got a positive test and i had all the spoogies and everything. I even had the "dip" . but now my temparature is not staying up. And my temperature prior to the ovulation was so erratic, who knows what my body is doing?!?!?!

help!

tick tick tick tick

I am not the most patient person. for example, if i buy someone a present for a holiday or birthday, that person gets the present hours, days sometimes months early. i can't wait for anything. it is a curse (although A loves it because she gets multiple presents for every single holiday). so we are squirting in october and i CANNOT WAIT. i am concerned it is not going to work and then it will be next october and we wont have a pooper. i guess this is good practice for when i get pregnant. i will have to wait 9 months to see the pooper, nothing i can do about that.

to make matters worse, i am waiting for a child custody evaluation to come back on one of my clients. who cares you might ask? this is not MY child custody evaluation. i think because i am a newbie attorney, i get more emotionally involved in clients then i should. this one calls me everyday, emails me when he doesn't call me and faxes me when he doesn't email. i really really really want this evaluation to come back in his favor. to be honest, i don't know if i want it to come back in his favor to help him or to help me. is that horrible? if we "win" it makes it that much easier in court. am i horrible?

my mother in law and sister in law are coming down this weekend. i love them. i am super happy! it should be fun. it will be three less days that i can only obsess over the pooper!!!

bye

The sperimies have landed!

I know it has been a while, but since i dont think anyone reads this, i dont think anyone was missin it ;)

since i last posted a lot has happened. D came to LA and we all went to our local fertility clinic and he gave a deposit. It was nerve racking for us, i can't even imagine how he felt! he flew in at 7:15 and was back at the airport by 11:00 a.m. perfect! we get what we need and he gets to go to work in the afternoon and not loose a ton of money! i had so many questions for the receptionist. they train them well at this place. she had answers to all of my questions. i called the next day and spoke to a lovely british bloke who told me that we got 6 vials out of his deposit and that the motility looked "young and vibrant". yiiiippppeeee! i thought that 6 vials meant three months, i was wrong. apparently six vials is one month in baby spermie land. but at least it is enough for october, our first month. it is coming so fast yet so slow. i cannot wait!!!

so the charting continues. this current cycle is schizophrenic. i am on CD26 and no ovulation. however this morning the spoogies came so i think *fingers crossed* it is going to be ok. i am going to pee on a stick at 11:00 a.m. so wish me luck! not that we are doing anytihng this month but it helps my mind to know that at least i am ovulating. we have so much hope going into october that i want to do all i can to make it work. talk about pressure!

i should get back to work (or start working since I haven't done it at all yet today).

i will be better about this, maybe someone searching for "spermies and spoogies" will find this blog and someone will actually read it! :) I am not getting my hopes up.

bye

What is that!

So I am charting. I am trying to figure out if i am 1) Regular 2) do i even ovulate 3) what does a body really do when you bleed.
So i am charting. I take my temperature every morning at 5:55 a.m. ewww sucks but it is the only time that i know i can take it every morning. if i have to go to court i have to wake up at 6 am. so this is the only consistent time of the morning. sucks to be me!
i am also looking at my shall we saw spoogies. i know its gross, but its true. you have to look at your cervical fluid to see what it looks like to know if you are ovulating. who knew it was going to be like this. how do all those people have unplanned pregnancies? it seems so hard to get freakin pregnant!

anyway, the charting is going well, i am on the verge of my first charting ovulation. it is kinda freaky how excited i am to ovulate. its not like i am squirting this month. i just want to know that i do ovulate. i mean most people do. right? i get my period. i should ovulate. however, i didn't get my period for almost a year. and this getting my period thing just started about 2 years ago. so i guess i am a little freaked out that i don't ovulate. that the period i think i am getting is not a period at all, but my mind making me think i am getting a period. whatever, that is nuts, i am a nutty lady as A says every day.

nutty lady, that's me!

obsessive compulsive

so ever since A and i decided to have a pooper, i can't stop reading everything i can about it. every blog, every book, every everything. i am fascinated by it. i want it now. we have decided that we will start trying in october. A is in school and she will graduate in August, with a break starting in June. october will give us a chance to have a pooper when she has a break. at least in a perfect world if we get lucky and it happens on the first time. but from what i am reading, it only happens the first time when piggies fly.

i am trying to do everything i can to be the most fertile person in the world. i am also trying to do all i can to be the most aware person in regards to my fertility. temperature, ovulation kit, cervical stuffs... who knew about all this stuff. i mean i have been having my "friend flo" since i was 14 but i didnt really ever know what it was until know. how sad is that.

if i had my way we would start now. i want a pooper so badly. but i know that A would KILL me if i even asked. she is so stressed out with school and it is not the right time. october is good. it gives me a few months to chart and to completely obsess :)

so another big decision was made on the TTC front. A's brother D is going to be the donor. crazy huh. we all think of it the same, as DNA. A and I get to have a pooper that is actually one-half of each of us. It is pretty cool. Legally we are all set (i am a family law lawyer so i sort of know about this stuff) D just has to give his buddies to the doctor and we are all set. D also knows that he is not the daddy to the pooper, just an uncle. an uncle that gave us an amazing gift.

we also got a lot of loot from one of my co-workers. a stroller, car seat, high chair, a huge bag of clothes and this thing called a co-sleeper. anyone ever use this? we haven't decided if we are going to use this or not. it seems a little too "family bed" which i dont think i want. we shall see. i like a good bassinet.

anyway, we are on the way to pooperville. i just wish it was sooner. but we all know how time flies. sooner rather than later we will be squirting and life we will be so different.....

baby blogs

did this work? i am new at this...

is it evil?

so jerry falwell just died. Is it evil to be happy? i mean he hated gays and lesbians. i can't imagine he wanted us to procreate or be happy or even just be. i don't want to promote being happy when someone dies but i don't think he would be shedding a tear if i died.

pick a swimmer any swimmer

so i thought we made a choice. we picked a donor. a lucky winner! he had a similar background to my gf and his baby pic was super cute! and now..... my gf's brother is thinking of donating. i think it would be grand, half of her!

anyone have any experience?

how does it work? do you still go through the sperm bank? its all so complicated yet i think somehow it isnt. i am happy about it but trying not to get my hopes up to much.

thanks :)

hi

its a little scary. lots of first. first blog entry. first time admitting to the anonymous world of blogging that my girlfriend and i are starting the process of having a baby. first time ummm for lots of other things i am sure.

i have been searching on the Internet for anything i can get my hands on regarding lesbians and babies, sperm, insemination etc. any other words i can possibly search for that will help me in my quest to learn everything that can possibly go wrong or right with this process. and i found that the most helpful information that i found was from other couples blogging about their life. so i thought i would join.

hi everyone!

now help me :)

heeeheee