i am thinking january

hello -

this has been such a crazy year. we have had at least 5 graduations including A's which is coming up, gaziliion birthdays, two upcoming weddings and lots of mayhem. all on one income. we are tapped. we are broke. done. stick a fork in us. i always said that well, we can charge this b/c A will be getting a job soon and we can pay it off. well, it is july and she is still waiting to hear. she is sure she got it (knock on wood) but she has to wait for them to get some contract signed. i know once she gets it, we will be fine. it is just now, when we have to plan for A's graduation, our trip after her graduation, her graduation party as well as my brother's wedding that we have to travel to nashville for and dont forget about the mortgage, bills, credit cards. aaacccckkkkk

this too shall pass. i had a panic attack last night. thank goodnesss for ativan. so i think i am feeling better today. no matter what, we will be fine. it just means we are putting off the pooper stuff a little longer. i am hoping to be debt free by the end of this year. so we can rack it all up again paying for baby. it makes me sad to think we have to wait, but the stress is not good for the whole process anyway. I am going to take this time to get healthy, start acupuncture and overall become a more calm person. i am a little well, high strung? anxious? um excentric in my eccentricities?

so we move on. i am going to blog like a mother-bloger. :)

congratulations to those at our true adventures and vee and jay! i can't reemmber how to put in a link, so this is the non-high tech blog version of a yayayayay!

bye

i forgot!

the puppie, the cutest dog ever, emmet, is ours! my mother in law couldnt handle the puppiness of him. so he is ours!
he is so wonderful. so much joy comes to us from him. anyway, here is a picture

what a wonderful break

hi. i have been "off" from this job we call "pregnancy". i had to take some time off mentally and physically as well as financially. but this morning i took my temp for the first time in like 3 months! it was weird. i woke up in the middle of the night worrying that i would forget. but i didnt. it was like i never stopped.
our goal is to start again after this cycle. i had my period for 90 days straight! it was a little unnerving to say the least. i went to my gyno and she said it was my body flushing everything out. that is a lot of flushing in my opinion. but if finally stopped. and i just ended my last period in 5 days. phew!

so we are back on the roller coaster of inseminations.

i have to say congratulations to so many! so many births, so many pregnancies! i am very happy for every one of you.

hopefully, it will be time for some to be happy for me soon :)

i am back, hear me roar!

bye

catch up time i guess

hi there. i have been absent. absent from writing on my blog, absent from reading blogs. i just needed a break from thinking about baby stuff. i have been told by my doctors to hold off for a few months. to see how the new medication alters me, if it does. so far, nothing bad. i am a little less hungry, which is always good.

a quit her job, she had it for six months. she is in the middle of her thesis so it was not working out to work 50+ hours a week, go to school, and still have time to do her thesis. so she quit. that is another reason we are holding off, we are going to be a little broke the next few months. what can you do.

D is going to come down for a week and fix our bathroom. So nice of him. we are ripping out the tile and demolishing the sink and vanity and taking the mirror down. painting, and i think that is all. with him doing it, it is free labor! that makes me happy. while he is here, he is going to "drop some swimmers off at the pool" i know that is for poop, but it makes more sense for spermies.

i have been super busy at work, which is good. i have also been spending a lot of my time at my mother in laws to see emmet, the puppy. he is like my baby :) i can focus all my mothering skills/or lack thereof on emmet. he loves me :) unconditionally, so long as a i hold him and pet him and let him lick my face. it is nice. see pictures above. he is so cute!

i wonder if there is anything else....i dont think so... my friend who got pregnant on the first insemination she did at home is having her baby shower soon. joy.

bye

Bad blogger bad blogger!

i have been a bad blogger. slap my wrist! i have had a crazy month. shocking, but BFN. cried for a few days because i knew i had to make some big decisions. as i said in my last post so long ago, i had an eeg and they found nothing. according to my little british neurologist, i had to make a decision, baby or possible future seizures and no driving ever. what a fu**ed up choice that is! i knew there had to be another option. my friend and co-worker said he friend was epileptic (i guess that is what i am, so weird) and had a baby is now pregnant with her second baby. she emailed me her story. she was taken off meds for a while b/c she wanted4d to get pregnant. it was very bad, she had seizures and other stuff happened, not a good thing. her doctor said you can go on meds, a low dose, and you can get pregnant. she did and had a healthy baby. ummm what? could my neurologist have mentioned that? so i immediately went to our old friend, or enemy, google and looked it up. some meds are 90% safe for epilepsy control and baby makin. 90% seems better than sharp stick in the eye...keep reading amiechamie, find something better than 90%....so apparently there is this drug, lamictical (i could be wrong on the spelling) that is often prescribed for pregnant epileptics. you can supplement it with folic acid and vitamin K and it is a little more than 90% that your pregnancy will be perfect. in fact, i read that there are no cases of non-perfect pregnancies on lamictical. yipppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

so needless to say, i started the drugs last week. they make you so freakin tired it is unbelievable. but i started driving again!!!!! i had not driven since February 6. i didnt realize how much i missed it.

so, we are moving forward. i skipped this last month, just ovulated actually i think yesterday. we will be going forward with next month!!! i need to get D on board and call my RE and tell him what is up. I havent called him since i told him about the seizure. it was just too much to deal with all at once. if next month works, will i have a december baby? yikes! another december event. this will be one that i can handle :)

OH so i was tagged! yay. IT is the book one.

Here are the rules:

1. Grab the nearest book of 123 pages or more.
2. Open it to page 123.
3. Find the first 5 sentences and write them down.
4. Then invite 5 friends to do the same.


I am at work, so this is going to be really boring. The nearest book, on my bookshelf at work is Alan Dershowitz letters to a young lawyer. this was one of the many new lawyer books i got when i passed the bar. boring as hell but they look good on my bookcase:

...Thomas had made up his mind about the fate of Roe before he arrived on the Court; without even discussing the issue with his law clerks, he decided that the case should be overturned. "there was no point in talking about Casey, " the source said. "there was no doubt whatsoever on which he was coming out. THere was no discussion at all." Thomas joined Justice Scalia's dissenting opinion, which urged that Roe should overturned"

SO that was a little more than 5 lines, but the writing is indented and i wanted to finish the thought.

since i am so belated in this post, i think everyone and their mother has been tagged. if not, you are it!

oh, and another thing, A and i have been puppy sitting these past 3 weeks. emmet, so cute! he has been coming to work with me and everyone in the office loves him. he seems to have forgotten the puppy pad idea though, he has been poopin everywhere he can! good thing he is so cute. i have to take him back tomorrow :( i am very sad and i know i will cry. we need to move somewhere that we can have a dog. our condo has a strict rule, no pets at all. assholes.

anyway, i am back, all drugged up and ready to get preggers!!

good luck to all those in the TWW. i have good feelings!!!

bye

huh?

so today is, I think, 14dpo. I am not really sure b/c i got that HCG shot and my symptoms were all wacky. I had cramps around day 7, temp drop, then no cramps and temp increase. i had cramps yesterday and a really bad backache. no spotting, no nothing. then today, no cramps. wtf!

can the hcg shot F*** up a normal cycle?

then i went to the neurologist. had an eeg. they found nothing, they have never found anything. he told me, basically, if i ever want to drive again i need to be on medication and if i want to have a baby, i cant be on medication. nice options.
i am going to try and find another neurologist that maybe specializes in pregnant epileptics who rarely have seizures.

bye

sucks ass!

so the insemination went well. the shot didnt hurt! yipeee. problem occured though. around 4 am i had a seizure. i have had three in the past - starting when i was studying for the bar exam. i havent had one since 2006, not on any meds anymore since we started TTC'ing. now this happens. just packs a whallop. the neurologist said that if i am not pregnant right now, i should stop for a while to figure out what is going on. i dont like that answer at all. there has to be a way. its not like i have them all the time, 4 in 32 years.

im just bummed. if it isnt one thing it is another. i have to think that this time worked because if not, it might never :(